Even Angels Fall
by croOKed-aura
Summary: It used to be good. Everything was simple. They never knew one tiny glitch can cause so much change. How did they manage to survive with and without each other? RLNT
1. Memory

**a/n:** first attempt to this relationship. i always wanted them together. quite glad they are. ) 

please review.

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I hadn't counted on such things to happen. Actually, I never really thought anything would happen. Never thought about the future. But I've learned my lesson.

How was I to know something would come between us? How was I to know that something so simple could turn so comlicated? I remember when things were simple. I remember when things we good. I remember how I had met him. The one person who would cause all this change. I remember everything.

I remember when I was still ten, and Sirius and his friends were roughly twenty. Well, Sirius and James were twenty-one. Peter Pettigrew was about to join them, while Remus had just turned twenty. It was a month before my eleventh birthday, May third. And within half a year, I would be entering my first year at Hogwarts. I was pretty excited. Having just discovered my rare talents for morphing, I was eager to show off to anyone. I took my metamorphmagism as an added bonus when I would be in school. I had spent the whole month transforming myself, I totally forgot my origins. My unstopped morphing had not only crashed my memory, but I lost my identity.

Well, the day of my birthday, my cousin Sirius was coming. He always came visiting on my birthday. He and my mum got on pretty well. She was only eight years older than him, as she had me right after she left school. Because of this, my childhood was pretty much spent alone. Both my parents were young. They had to find jobs to keep up the family. I've always wondered why they got married so quickly. My mother worked in St. Mungos, dealing with patients who have been obscured by magical creature. My father worked for the Daily Prophet, as an editor along with his own column. When they were home, however, we were a pretty tight family.

Anyway, during my eleventh birthday, my parents had arranged for Sirius to come and watch me. The both of them were very well into their work during this period, as Voldemort's rising was great. The hospital needed extra staff. Although my mother specialised in magical creatures, she was called in to help with those who had been cursed, petrified and whatnot. My father was sent on a mission to scoop up as much as he could around the Ministry and the outside Muggle world for the Prophet. The were both extremely sorry, and to make up for it, they gave me the largest birthday cake and a new Comet Two-Sixty Broomstick. It was alright. I knew what was important. At least I had Sirius to keep me company.

My parents left the house around two in the afternoon. Sirius had just arrived, planting the biggest kiss on my nose and squishing me into one of his tight hugs. He was armed with presents, but had set them aside on our couch. I thought it was pretty strange. Sirius never brought that many presents. I mean, I knew he loved me. I didn't know he loved me to that extent.

But ten minutes after the departure of my parents, I found out exactly why he was loaded with all those parcels. I had just come out from the kitchen, clutching a glass of juice. I froze in terror as I heard a sudden bang errupting from my living room. I knew it was the sound of someone apparating, but the people who usually apparated into the house were my parents and Sirius. Everyone else used the Floo Network. Seeing as both my parents were gone, and Sirius was standing on the other side of the room, I panicked. Someone had come into the house, and I screamed with terror. Of course, I didn't think to look at whoever had come in. I threw my glass of juice and ran to hide behind my cousin.

It wasn't someone who came into the house. It was a bunch of people. Four others in fact. One had messy black hair with glasses, and was oddly gangly and well built at the same time. His arm was wrapped around someone with vibrant red hair and alarming green eyes. Beside her, a short dumpy character came into view. All I saw was a weird vibration coming from him. And lastly, beside him, someone tall, lean and a bit shabby stood.

I peeked at the four people. All were men, except the redhead. They seemed familiar. Well, the guys did at least.

'Alright you guys,' Sirius said. 'It's my cousin's birthday, as you well know. We're in her house, so don't mess anything. And don't try sneaking into the food cabinet, Peter. Ted's pretty stingy when someone eats his food. Trust me.'

The short one, I took it, was Peter. He made a sort of sound and was mopping his hair, which was dripping with the juice I had thrown on him. 'I feel gross.'

Taking a step aside from Sirius' legs, I bit my lower lip as I saw Peter give a disgusted grunt.

'I'm sorry,' I said shakily, looking at him wearily. He had given me a glare.

I never understood why he glared at me. After all, it was only juice. He was a wizard. He could've zapped it gone anyway.

'Don't get all touchy, Pete. It's just juice. Orange juice at that.'

The woman had spoken. I can't really have called her a woman. She looked quite young. But she had a bulge in her middle. She was pregnant.

She took out her wand, and withouth even uttering a word, Peter was dry. I was quite impressed by her. She didn't even need to say anything to cause magic. And to show her my admiration, I had transformed my hair long, red and wavy - just like hers.

Everyone's heads had whipped my way as they saw a sudden colour flash. I had smiled weakly up at the pregnant one. Thankfully, she smiled back.

'Hi! I'm Lily Potter,' she said, putting out a hand. I nervously shook it. 'Happy birthday!'

I uttered a small thanks. She was nice enough. I warmed up to her.

'I'm James,' said someone suddenly. It was the one with messy hair. 'James Potter. Her husband. Her wonderful, handsome, just-too-good-to-be-true lover.' He pointed to Lily. I smiled at him. He was a lot like Sirius, complimenting himself in boisterous ways. I warmed up to him too.

I looked at Peter next. He just scowled.

'That's Peter,' Sirius equipped, giving Peter a bit of an angry look. Pettigrew said nothing. He made a squeak sound that sounded a bit terrified.

And finally, I turned my head at the last guess. He was quite different from everyone else in the room. Although he was young - I knew he was at least twenty - he looked older. And more tired and worn out. But nevertheless, he gave me a big smile and offered his hand.

'My name is Remus Lupin. What's yours?'

Even his voice was different. Sirius had always been one of the loud ones, and I knew James was too. He always talked to mum about James and his other friends. I've heard Remus Lupin pop up numerous times, but I never knew as much about him as James. He seemed quiet, friendly, and honest.

I took hold of his hand, quite larger than my own. He had a gentle clasp. 'Nymphadora Tonks.'

I never liked my name. It always irritated me.

'We always called her Tonks,' Sirius had suddenly said, breaking the contact. 'Tonks, Little Tonkers, Tonksy. But mostly Tonks.'

I did prefer Tonks. It was simple, unique, and even fun.

Remus had given me an odd look. He bent down so that our faces were level, and gave me a searching look. It gave me weird sensations. Pleasure, uncertainty... but it was good.

'I like Nymphadora. It's different and uncommon. Uncommon names are the best.'

It was weird. But I felt special. 'Remus is pretty uncommon either.'

'Well, whaddya know? We're two of a kind.' He gave me a small wink and flashed a boyish smile. 'I think I shall call you Nymphadora.'

I had taken a liking to him. My hair had instantly changed from red to sandy brown. And once again, all heads came into my direction.

'Tonks, what's up with you?' Sirius asked me uncertainly. Everyone was looking at me curiously and a bit afraid. Well, everyone but Remus. He had an odd look. One of those looks of knowing.

'Mum said I'm a Metamorphmagi.'

Everyone's mouths dropped. All, of course, except Remus.

'Tonks, don't be ridiculous. Metamorphmagi are pretty rare. Are you sure?'

'Mum said so!'

I had felt rather defensive and angry.

'Tonks, really - '

'I can prove it!'

And within the time span of twenty seconds, I completely changed my whole image. My hair was green, my nose resembled Sirius', my mouth was deep red, and my eyes were an eerie purple.

'Whoa.'

I stood there looking at everyone. While they all stared back at me, I resumed my sandy brown hair, big blue eyes, and my Aunt Gretchen's mouth.

'Tonks, go back to your original form,' Sirius had requested.

It was hard. I didn't remember what I looked like. 'Sirius, I don't know how.'

'What do you mean you don't know how?'

'I can't remember.'

He just gaped at me. I stood there feeling ashamed of myself.

But he finally snapped out of it. 'Your hair was dark brown - almost black. And so were your eyes. You had Narcissa's mouth.'

I had tried, and got everything right except for the mouth. He grabbed at his pocket, and pulled out a pouch I've seen dad had. It was called a wallet. One of those muggle trinkets. He flipped through it and showed it to me. There was a picture of me. And seeing my mouth, I transfored back to my original self.

'Don't ever forget about yourself, Tonks,' Sirius had told me in a shaky voice. He seemed scared. 'Always remember who you are. What you look like. Be proud of who you are.'

He gave me a final half awed, half petrified stare, and had walked briskly into the kitchen, quickly followed by James, Lily and Peter. The four were muttering things under their braths that I hadn't heard, but was sure I was the topic of discussion. But Remus, on the other hand, had stayed behind.

I had taken a seet on my father's armchair, lost for words. I wasn't scared. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't even sorry. I guess I wasn't anything.

Remus had just sort of drifted beside the chair. I looked up to see him smiling at me. He was a pretty odd character.

'Unique name, unique nickname, unique personality, and unique abilities. I guess we're not two of a kind.'

I was startled to hear him say that. 'Why?'

"Because you're extraordinary, Nymphadora. You're special. You are one of a kind.'

It was then that I began to truly like my powers. I truly was one of a kind. But not entirely.

I stood up from the chair, standing up beside Remus. I only reached past his elbows then.

'Remus?'

'Yes?'

'I prefer not to be one of a kind.'

'Why?'

'I'd much prefer to be two of a kind with you.'

I had taken a liking to him.

- - - - - - - - -

And since then, I have known Remus Lupin. I lived two years in the midst of Sirius and his friends. Lily had been an excellent mentor, giving me tips on what colour hair complimented me, and how to achieve status amongst my peers. The advice from the guys, however, were a bit different. They taught me how to avoid homework, how to save myself from the wrath of McGonagall, and certain passageways to escape to in the castle. Remus had also taught me a useful trick incase Peeves came upon me. I was there in the summer when Harry Potter was born. I had helped choose his name.

But it all changed. Although everything seemed alright, I knew it wasn't. People looked more panic stricken. Sirius and his friends grew more tense. My mother was constantly called out to give aid to others. My father was alwasy at the ministry. I was always left with the odd babysitter. Sirius never had any more time to look after me. He was in some sort of club against Voldemort. I just bounced my way around sitters - at least, those who were willing to sit.

And then, a year since Harry was born, it became silent.

No more fights. No more deaths, captures, tortures, and missing people.

But it wasn't completely silent.

Sirius had been sent to Azkaban on account of Murdering Peter Pettigrew. Now, I've never liked Peter. I just never warmed up to him. And he always gave me odd looks. Everyone seemed to be against Sirius. Even my own mother, whom she claimed that apart from my dad and me, was her only family. But she had turned cold to him. So had my father. But not me. I knew there was something wrong, but I just didn't know exactly what it was.

And he had been sent to Azkaban. I tried asking to mum to visit him, but both my parents were very strict to that. I now know why. But I still needed to save Sirius.

Everyone lost contact. Even Remus Lupin - who I liked most out of all of Sirius' friends, stopped his contacts with me. I guess he thought we were part of the betrayal that left him friendless. In revenge for everything, I vowed that I would stop crimes. All crimes. And take out the innocent out of Azkaban. And so I became an Auror.

And just three years ago, Sirius escaped. And a year later, we were reunited. He looked different. Cold. Angry. Tortured. Unsettled.

Different.

After fifteen years, I saw Remus Lupin again. He had aged mercilessly. But he had changed too. He and Sirius were friends again. I didn't approve of this at first. I felt betrayed by Remus.

I had been cold towards him for the first two months. I didn't know he was part of the Order as well. He didn't even recognize me until Sirius told him who I was.

'That's Tonks, Remus. Remember her?'

He gave me one of his looks, with a raised eyebrow. I raised mine in return.

Sirius saw our exchange. 'Grew up good, didn't she eh?'

I did grow up to be quite different. I've been told my mum that I took after her sisters. My mum never spoke much of them, and usually when she did, her tone was bitter. I wasn't sure if looking like her sisters was a good thing. I've seen pictures of them, and they didn't resemble mum. My mother looked more like her father, with a more angular face and dirty blonde hair. My aunts were a different story. They seemed to have inherited all the goods of the Ancient Black Family, and apparantly, so did I. My hair was the same wavy almost-black sort of brown, just like Bellatrix. My nose grew to look like hers too, dainty and well pronounced. My mouth had changed, just like Narcissa's, a full pout. And my eyes like hers also, but with the colour of Bellaxtrix - dark brown. Like I said, I'm still not sure if it's a good thing. But I guess inheriting the godly Black looks was alright. I mean, I had to admit, I didn't look bad or anything.

Remus had tried to engage me in conversation numerous times. Because I still hadn't warmed up to him, I either shrugged him off, ignored him, or gave blunt answers. He usually laughed at my blunt answers, which had made me even angrier. He himself changed in appearance. He had streaks of grey in his hair, with puffy bags under his eyes. He seemed more quiet, and more reserved than before. He never said much in the Order unless he was asked his opinion. But then when situations were indeed harsh, he also put in his word, which was pretty wise for a thirty-five year old.

I think Dumbledore and Sirius saw my bitterness towards the man. Many of my tasks for the Order were accompanied by Remus.

When we picked up Harry from his Aunt's place, I tried to avoid him. When he introduced me to Harry, he even called me Nymphadora. I had told him in a harsh tone that I preferred to be called Tonks. But even still, he called me Nymphadora.

But after numerous taks, I had no choice but to talk to him willingly. And soon, we were back on speaking terms. What can I say? I had taken a liking to him. He lived with Sirius at Number Twelve, and I was a frequent visitor. My father had died a few years back due to a Muggle disease called cancer. He refused to go to St. Mungos, saying cancer was uncurable. I don't believe it. He could have survived - he chose not to. My mother to this day is in St. Mungos - but for different reasons. One of her patients had be bitten with a sort of venomous snake, and he had went insane. The open wound had found its way onto her bare skin, and now, she too, is in the hospital. They can't seem to get out the venom. It had somehow transported into her bloodstream. By getting the stuff out of the blood, she'd lose too much blood to survive.

So, I sold my parent's old house, and rented a nice apartment above Madam Malkin's. It does get lonely. I do have the occasional visit from Fred and George, and I do pay them a visit too. But still, it's lonely.

Before Sirius' death, I sometimes lived with him for alternating weeks. He too was lonely. Even though Remus lived with him, he was always doing Order business. Not that I was left out. Nope. I too had order business. It was good that way. Tasks from Dumbledore were now mostly done individually. So Sirius always had someone with him. Everytime I was busy, Remus wasn't, and when I wasn't busy, he was. We did bump into each other, though rarely.

But then Sirius passed. And now, I'm back in my dinky apartmnet across from Fred an Geogre. Molly offered a place to stay at the Burrow. But no thanks. I don't have the energy to deal with Fleur. She's a handful. And besides, I don't want to face Molly. Not since it happened.

The feelings were there since I saw him again. I swear, it wasn't intended. It just happened. I couldn't control them. Everytime he talked to me, I'd get a giddy jump in my stomach, even if I tried to ignore it. He was the only one who called me by my name. I'd usually tell off the person who did, but never him. I didn't know why, but the way he said it made 'Nymphadora' sound okay.

At first, I thought they were just foolish feelings. You know, infatuations. I was never one for infatuations. Infatuations never led me nowhere anyway. But I'm not too sure if it was infatuation. Isn't infatuation just liking someone for physical attractiveness? I mean, Remus was no looker exactly. Well, he looked much better than 'alright', but he was different. The grey in his hair and his puffy eyes usually gave him an old look. But I knew he was young. Younger than even Sirius. Sirius had been almost twelve when he first entered Hogwarts. Remus had just turned eleven the day before September first.

I also liked his personality. And the way he talked tol someone; it made you think that it was only you in the entire world. And he was unlike the other men. Every man I knew was boisterous, loud, rude. They had an odd sense of humour. And sometimes even were disrespectful towards women. But no, not Remus. He was always nice to women, holding doors for them, waitng until they were seated, pouring their tea. Even the older women flustered around him - especially Molly Weasley. Just by him saying 'Molly, you've got the greatest nack for cleaning up Doxy feces!' could make her day. He was truly gifted at making others feel good about themselves. He didn't crack as many jokes as Sirius or Kingsley Shacklebolt, but when he did, they were ten times more funny. He wasn't one for small talk. He liked long conversations about subjects that mattered, such as Goblin Revolutions and House Elf freedom - not like the usual mutters from Mundungus that consisted of cheating and money. Remus didn't have much money. I could see that. His robes were always frayed. But I wondered why. He was an intelligent person.

And then I knew why. He was a werewolf. Society never treated werewolves like normal folk. But still, Remus treated everyone as his equal, even down to the homeless.

I liked all that about him. So is it considered infatuation?

I soon realized that I fancied him. I never really admitted it, but I knew I did. And Molly Weasley knew also. I think it's her mother's intuition. The woman was like everyone's mother. And we were her litter of chicks.

When Sirius was gone, my feelings grew stronger. Maybe it was because Remus was the closest thing to Sirius, being one of his closest friends and all. I missed my cousin, but I saw some of him in his friend. And so I clung onto the only thing closest to the past.

And then, on July fifth, I told him. I told him I liked him. I told him my feelings were sincere.

Remus is the kind of man who understands everyone, no matter the situation. The one with words of comfort. The one everyone looked to when they needed advice. Kind, gentle, understanding.

So I was surprised by his answer.

He told me I was being stupid. I didn't understand.

He told me I was too young. He was too old.

I fought back. We were only a ten year difference. I've seen bigger. My mother once told me my Aunt Narcissa was a thirteen year difference with her husband, Lucius Malfoy. I relayed the bit of information. He just smiled cruelly.

He said he was too dangerous.

Because he was a werewolf? I told him I didn't care. Werewolf or not, I liked him. I didn't care.

He said he was too poor.

Money isn't everything. I don't care about money. As long as we survived, money didn't matter.

He laughed at me with a bitterness I've never heard before. He asked me why I chose him.

And my answer was that I had taken a liking to him.

He's not here anymore. He's now on his mission to recruit as many werewolves as possible, living with them in their headquarters under ground. Yes, I worry. He's different from the other werewolves. They aren't the kind, gentle type. They are harsh, mean, and merciless.

Molly had tried to help me get over it. I can say it helped a bit. At first, she tried to use me to get Fleur away, but I had refused. Bill loved Fluer, and she him. I was secretly jealous towards their relationship.

And I'm at my post, in Hogsmeade, looking after Harry. It helps take my mind off everything, though not entirely.

I don't know why he denied me. Why he sounded so bitter.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken a liking to him.

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please give me some feedback.  
comment, and give some suggestions.  
or criticize it.

_in other words..._

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	2. Change

**a/n:**thanks to those three review. positive feedback is always welcome. well, negative too, but lets keep that on the low. hope this chapter still leaves me with a good impression

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She changed. I knew it. From the first time I saw in her in fifteen years.

The long gap had done numerous things to her. She had grown up. And quoting Sirius, yes, she had grown up good. She had fortunately inherited the Black genes physical-wise. Sirius had them. He was always the best looking one out of the group. She looked more like Bellatrix, with her dark hair and eyes, but with a whip of Narcissa Malfoy; even if those two aren't the best of people, they did look fantastic. And so did she.

She was different too. I always imagined her as a little kid, the ones you warm up to. The first time I met her was on her eleventh birthday. I was quite fond of the little girl with the admirable powers and uncommon name. She didn't exactly act like the Blacks. She was more outgoing, and wasn't prejudice. No offense to Sirius or anything, but some of his parent's pride had wiped off on him. Though he had nothing against Muggle-borns, he did sometimes crack the occasional insult towards them. Nymphadora never did. But then again, her father was Muggle-born.

And she was a funny creature. She hated her name, and defied anyone who ever called her Nymphadora. But she never really did anything about it everytime I called her by it. I felt special - she liked me well enough to let me get by with calling her Nymphadora without getting beat up.

But she's grown now. She became an Auror. It's quite a admirable feat - there haven't been that many new Aurors lately. She had come out of the queue, and shown her powers. I always knew she'd come out on top.

In that fifteen year gap, I didn't see her. I haven't even heard from her, but then again, I didn't see a reason for her to write to me. Afterall, she was young, and I was a twenty-something then. I was an adult while she a child. We didn't have much in common except our names and our morphing, although she didn't know about my sitation until much later.

I lost contact with her for many reasons. Some of them I'm not even sure about. I felt betrayed by Sirius during that time. Thinking foolishly that he had murdered Peter Pettigrew, thinking he had given away Lily and James' hideout. I had regretfully not looked into the matter more closely. I was too hurt from such betrayal by a man I though was my brother.

Yet it all changed too. Sirius was innocent, while Peter still healthy and whole. Sirius was condemned to a life of no identity towards the open public. But he had me. I looked out for him, as well as Dumbledore and Harry.

And then, Voldemort's rise came. On a dreary night, roughly a year ago, Sirius had come knocking on my door. He was sent to gather up the old remaing crowd of the Order.

And it was there that I saw her again.

The first time she set her eyes on me, it was as if daggers pierced into my soul. Her glare was cold as ice, and hard as stone. I didn't blame her. I hadn't seen her for a long time.

We had always got on well before. Whenever Sirius went to visit her, I would tag along as much as I could, just to hear the interesting stories of her days. We even exchanged gifts and letters. But then the murder happened. The letter she had written to me said that she thought Sirius was innocent. Her letter had made me angry - I stopped believing in Sirius since the day of the Peter Pettigrew trial. I ignored it. And she didn't write back.

I had tried many times to engage her in conversing with me for a month. She avoided me. It was weird, seeing her avoid me like that. She used to talk to me willingly. She would even sometimes change her appearance completely, so I would think she were someone else. It fooled me many times.

Sirius saw through it. He too thought it was quite weird.

'Tonks always liked you best from my friends,' he told me one night when we were alone in Grimmauld place. 'When I went over to visit her, all she'd do was talk about you, and all the things you've taught her.'

I didn't remember teaching her much.

'She told me you taught her the Waddiwassi trick. She's been reading Muggle books since you've introduced her to something called "Tuck Everlasting".'

Yes, I had given her a book for her eleventh birthday. We all gave her something - we didn't think it'd be right to intrude into her house on her birthday without at least getting her something. Sirius had bought her the complete potions set so she wouldn't need to worry about it when her Hogwarts supply letter came. Lily and James bought her a magical pet rat from some pet store down in Godric's Hollow. And Peter had gotten her some kind of shawl. Everyone's presents seemed so much better than mine. But to my surprise, she was most taken by mine.

'I've heard of this book!' she exclaimed, picking it up eagerly. 'Dad had told me about it! He said it was wonderful!'

According to Sirius, I had taught her many things, and taught them well. I gave her the love of books, the art of patience, and the tricks to evade as much trouble as possible.

But in my opinion, it was she who had taught me the most important things.

During those brief two years before everything happened, she had inspired me in more ways than one. She put laughter in my hollow life. She gave light in my darkness.

I remember this one particular day at Sirius' old apartment. It was two months before Lily and James wouldn't be here anymore, and also Christmas break. Her parents were constantly busy. It was one of those nights where Sirius was actually available for some looking after. And Dumbledore had given me a break also, from three straight all-nighters, looking out for Death Eater.

Sirius had gone out for some food supply as he was short of everything but gin. He had left me in charge for time being. But I never thought Nymphadora ever needed looking after. She was wise beyond her years; I learned that that very night.

I was feeling quite low. It had just been a week since my last transformation. I had just learned that my mother was captured by an annonymous Death Eater. My father was long gone. He had died mysteriously when I was eight. My then girlfriend, Sadie, had trashed me, saying I became a different person. I had confessed my werewolf status to her. I knew she would be prejudice. But instead of saying straight out that she hated werewolved, she told me I became someone 'different.' It was one of the worst feelings. A if everything was crumbling. Everything was falling apart. Even Sadie was gone. And she had told me she loved me.

I moped around Sirius' flat, unaware of the girl I was suppossed to be watching. For how long I sat in the couch, in that same position, I didn't know. But out of nowhere, I felt a tugging on my sleeve.

'Yes?' I answered, a bit harsh. I was tired, annoyed and angry. I didn't even look up.

'Here, Remus. Drink this.'

She had held out a drink for me in a small glass. It was some of the gin from Sirius' cellar. I took it and swigged it up quickly. I avoided her, thinking that she might leave me alone.

But she hadn't.

Instead, she took a seat on the floor by my right foot. She just sat there, facing my leg. I was a bit unnerved by her. And then, suddenly, she looked up at me. I saw her, as I was looking down.

'You found hope, you found faith. You saw how fast it could be taken away.'

Her words were lulling. I thought she was speaking nonsense, until I did a double take on what she had said. I was about to comment, but she had said more.

'You will fly. You will crawl. But even angels fall.'

I stared at her, looking straight into her everchanging eyes. And she stared determinedly back.

'No such thing as you lost it all, Remus. Even angels fall.'

I was silent. I had been awed by her words of wisdom. A tiny trickle feel down my eye. She was the only person to see me crying - well, near it.

She then hugged my right leg. 'It's okay, Remus. We all have our rainy days. You can cry. I promise I won't tell Sirius or anyone else.'

Although the single tear was all that escaped from me, I was comforted by her.

'So, you think I'm an angel?' I asked, with a hoarse shaky voice, trying to imply airiness.

'Of course!' she had replied, sounding surprised.

'Thank you, but I'm far from one.'

'Well, you are one, Remus Lupin, even if you don't think you are.'

'Oh, really?'

'Yes, really! And if you don't think you are one, I'll make you one.'

'You'll make me one?'

I found her quite amusing at this point.

'Yes, I will make you one. Guardian angels are quite needed around these times. And since I don't have one, you can be mine.'

I was her guardian angel. Yet I hadn't been there to look after her for fifteen years. And within those fifteen years, she didn't need one. She's a powerful witch now, so I highly doubt she'd still need me there.

When Order business was needed to be accomplished, I was coincidentally always in her group. Because of this, she was literally forced to talk to me. But I'm glad we were in the same group. I missed talking to her. And she finally gave in, and we became friends again.

But then our friendship took a plunge in the deep end. It too, had fallen apart.

Nymphadora Tonks was always an odd character. She was a metamorphmagi, she had the most unique name, and the most ecstatic personality. I never really knew what her next move was. That was one of the reasons why she made a good Auror - she was unpredictable.

And the most unpredictable thing she ever said to me had turned everything around.

'Remus, I'm just going to say it straight. I like you.'

Though I knew what she implied, I tried to head her words into another direction, hoping she'd meant it differently.

'Well, I like you too, Nymphadora. That's why we're friends.'

Her face contorted in frustration.

'No! I like you. In the way that you want a courtship kind of like.'

Though I was far beyond surprised by her sudden words, now that I look back, it doesn't really surprise me all that much. Our missions were always together. We were like a team. And in those missions, we talked about everything, from family, friends, and even love life. I liked her well enough. She was beautiful; that was a given. She was energetic. She was full of humour. She had all the qualities a man would look for in a woman. And I too, had liked her. But it was complicated.

She knew of my transformation. She was informed about it during the first few Order meetings. But she seemed not to care.

I had told her our age difference would cause problems. In reply, she told me age was just a number. In her case, it really is. She's intelligent. She's wise. She's done many things that other people double her age hadn't even achieved. I couldn't think of an argument for that.

So, finding a new excuse, I told her I was poor. Not exaggerating, but I am poor. She wasn't the richest witch, but she was much better off than I.

She replied by saying money didn't matter. All that mattered was that as long as we had enough to eat, be clothed, and had somewhere to stay, she would be more than happy.

I couldn't argue with that. I didn't really give much thought about money myself. I had enough food on the table with my odd jobs. I was properly clothed, even if my clothes seemed shabby and worn. I had my own small apartment I stayed in.

So, as my last defense, I brought up my werewolf situation. I would've thought that this point was unarguable. But she defied me with that too.

'I don't CARE, Remus! I don't care! When you love someone, it doesn't matter what they are. All that matters is that you're with them, and when you are, it feels good. It feels right. And with you, it feels good! It feels right!'

I didn't know what to say to this. I replayed her words in my head. "When you love someone". I didn't bring up the point that she had said 'love', but it rang in my head. In fact, it made me feel excited. As if someone had lit a candle inside me.

But I knew better. I was too old - ten years difference for Merlin's sake! I was poor. And what with my being a werewolf, who knows what dangers would lie ahead? What if I hurt her? What if I scared her away?

And I wasn't stupid. I hadn't forgotten about my past. I hadn't forgotten about Sadie. I fell in love with that woman, and she had stepped all over me. My being a werewolf had caused our breakage. If I get with Nymphadora, what would happen if the same scenario plays out? I like Nymphadora. I liked her for the past year. But I had never admitted it to anyone.

Besides, she deserved someone much better than me. Self consciously, I had laughed. But it so happened that I laughed out loud. And quite bitterly at that.

I looked at her. Her young, soft, beautiful face. Her long wavy almost black hair. The never ending depth of her eyes. Her true form - something I hadn't seen for a long time as she loved transforming herself.

'Of all the great men out there, why me?'

And once again, her answer was an unexpected one.

'I've taken a liking towards you.'

I wish she hadn't. She was always a confidant one, that Nymphadora Tonks. One who speaks her mind freely. One who will always tell you about what was nagging at her. If she had kept her mouth shut, nothing would have happened. We'd still carry on like before, oblivious to our feelings, or else ignoring them. We would still be conversing about everything and about nothing. We would still be talking at that. She wouldn't be torn. I wouldn't have been avoiding her, just to run away from something I have no control over. Nothing would have changed.

I hate change.

Yet, in a way, I'm glad she confessed. I'm not as brave as her. I was never much of a talker. I would never say what was on my mind. I was the shy one, she was the audacious one. But I never would have thought she'd feel that way about me, as I did her. I thought I was being ridiculous for liking her. But now I know she likes me too.

But I'm not the brave one. I'm not the one who faces their issues. I tend to run away. Just like when Snape had told the students at Hogwarts that I'm a werewolf. I had resigned. I was scared.

And the same thing with now. So to avoid her, I did one of the most dumbest things.

I decided to join the werewolves underground, trying to manipulate them to join our side.

I told Dumbledore of my plan of action. He, along with everyone else, took it as an act of bravery. Except her. She took it as an act of panic. And she was right.

The day before I was to join the ranks, she had come up to me. I had tried my best to avoid her the past days, but it proved hard. I'm not a metamorphmagi or an animagus. I was tall. My hair was streaked. I stood out. But I always found excuses to talk to her; I would engage other people in long conversations, be seen looking over parchments of plans from Dumbledore, or be helping Molly out with the cooking.

But she had finally caught up with me. I would have thought she'd give me this long lecture saying how stupid I am.

And I was proven both right and wrong.

'I know what you're doing, Remus. But going underground won't change anything. It won't make what I said disappear. It won't make you any braver. You'd still be rational.'

I had tried to tell her that I was doing it for the good of the Order.

'I know that's a lie. We both know that the majority of the werewolves would go over to the dark side, if they already haven't. I know what you're trying to do. It won't work. Because I know you feel the same way.'

And with that, she turned around and left. She gave me an opportunity to chase after her; she walked slowly out of the room. But I hadn't taken that chance. I let her walk.

It's the right thing to do. I'm helping out the Order. It's not useless. I'm sure others would join. I'm a werewolf, and I've joined.

But deep down inside, I know I'm doing it to avoid her. I know it won't make matters better. I'm trying to make it just like before, before everything changed.

Like I said; I hate change.


	3. Of Pride and Prejudice

**a/n:** thanks for all the reviews. AND YES, the song is from 10 things i hate about you! and i thought i was the only one who watched it. oh MAN, _you_ are so cool for knowing it!

* * *

He'll be reporting to us monthly. Well, to Dumbledore at least. I'll be stationed right here, in this crummy village.

Hogsmeade used to be great. Every student rushed to Honeydukes to get their hands on anything and everything. The Three Broomsticks served the best drinks if you were old enough to get them. Zonkos was fascinating enough, even though I wasn't too fond of that stuff. Neither would the owner let me in. I had accidentally set of some fireworks, exploding the whole store.

But I always loved Madam Puddifoot's. It was quaint, cute, and lovely.

I had been here numerous times with him.

Not that we were a couple or anything. I had once told him I really loved their cakes. Puddifoot's really did have the best cake around - it could even give Molly Weasley a run for her money.

The first time we went together was after Christmas break of last year. Remus and I had just dropped off Harry and the others back to school by taking the Knight Bus. I was never too great on that thing. Seeing as I'm a clumsly slob, I had a hard time keeping still. But then, who didn't whilst riding the Knight Bus? Maybe I just had a harder time adjusting to it. We didn't sit together. I stayed with Harry and his friends, while Remus stayed with the rest of the Weasley clan. The Knight Bus is murder. I hate it.

I don't do too well on that wretched bus. My butt was awfully sore from falling backwards, and having owl cages topple on me numerous times. Since we both didn't want to endure the bus again, we deicided to get into the villiage and Apparate from there.

While walking down the almost deserted lane, we got to talking about food. Don't ask me how - it's one of those topics that we would just freely discuss.

'I prefer cake to ice cream. It just tastes better,' I had said, walking closely to him. It was freezing. And the only means to get more warmth.

'No, ice cream is far better. It's much lighter,' he replied, pulling his cloak higher and walking closer to me. I shivered. I didn't know what it was then - it could have just been the cold.

'Are you subtley implying that I'm fat?'

'No! I didn't mean it that way!'

'So what's it mean?'

'All I meant was that ice cream is a lighter choice of dessert. You're not fat. Far from it.'

I smiled to myself. It was fun playing around with his words, using them against him.

'So what, now I'm stick thin?'

'What! How did we get to you being skinny?'

'You said I was far from fat. So it probably means I'm literally a toothpick.'

'No, you're not a toothpick.'

'So what am I?'

'You're perfect.'

By now, his face was all red. But once again, I wasn't sure whether it was because he was embarassed by his own remark, or because of the cold.

His words stuck in my head. "You're perfect".

'So,' he said, as there was a brief silence in our conversation. He sounded airy. 'What kind of cake do you like?'

'Well, many people think it's chocolate,' I answered. Our pace had slowed down, and we were closer now. But the wind was howling, so we needed to hear each other. Still, I enjoyed the closeness.

'Think?'

'Yeah, think. I mean, I don't mind chocolate cake. I just always liked vanilla cake better. But I always had chocolate cake for my birthdays. It was weird.'

'Well then. For your next birthday, I'll make a mental note to get you vanilla instead of chocolate.'

It was a nice gesture. No one really ever took the time to ask me such silly things. Yet they weren't so silly after all. I was tired of chocolate cake. And it was nice to have someone give me something I'd actually prefer.

'Hey!' I exclaimed, as we reached the end of the lane. The path lead uphill. But I had just realized it.

'What?' he asked, alarmed at my sudden exclamation. He looked wildly around as if we were being cornered.

'We're near Madam Puddifoot's!'

I had looked over at him. He seemed indifferent to my remark. Not many people had known about Madam Puddifoot's. Back when I was in school, it was one of those joints usually where couples went to, for some private time. I knew about, for I had dated Eric Morse, a fellow Gryffindor. We went out for all of seventh year, but he was offered a job at the Scotish Ministry. I haven't seen him since.

'Madam Puddifoot's,' I repeated, trying to get it into his head.

There was no need for that. 'I know. I've been there a few times.'

I hadn't known this bit of information. I tried to paste it all together, but I just couldn't see Sirius, Remus, James and Peter sitting together at a small table full of floating hearts.

'I didn't know you and your friends were that close.'

He laughed at this. I glimpsed at him. When he laughs, his whole image transforms into someone new. Someone I liked to look at. But then, I liked looking at him any time. He's a handsome bloke.

'No, I've been here with someone else.'

I was curious. He never mentioned any other girlfriend except Sadie Simonetti, the woman who broke his heart/

'Who?'

'Amelia Bones. She called herself Mia back then.'

'Amelia Bones! The judge!'

'Yes.'

'What happened?'

'Personality clash. Ended things in that shop up there.'

We just stood there, facing each other in the snow. I looked yearningly at the top of the hill. I knew he felt uncomfortable going up there, with his past expirience and all. But I really wanted to go.

I was still looking up the hill when I felt him tug at my elbow.

'Come on. Let's go.'

I had obliged, and started walking to the left, where the park was. If we were to Apparate, we usually did it at the park.

'Where are you going?'

I turned around. He was looking at me as if I lost my mind. I lifted an eyebrow.

'Back to Grimmauld place. Where else?'

'I thought we were going to Puddifoot's.'

I gave him a suspicious look. He wanted to avoid that place, yet he was now offering to accompany me there. He stood there, with his hands clasped behind his back, staring back at me blankly.

'You want to go to Puddifoot's,' I said, unsure of the situation.

'I guess so.'

'Why?'

'Because you do. And since I have nothing better to do, why not tag along?'

And he did. We reached the store where I looked into the window, seeing the marvelous displays of cakes upon cakes.

'Are we going in? Because if not, I would just turn around and go home.'

He ushered me inside the store, where we took a seat at their small tables. In my opinion, the tables should be smaller. You can hardly fit your legs under there, let alone two pairs.

And we both sat there, for a pretty long while. Ordering cake. Something I wouldn't have thought would ever happen; sitting at Puddifoot's, eating cake with a man who isn't too fond of both the shop and the food. But he sat with me anyway.

I was quite surprised on my twenty-sixth birthday. Almost half a year later, he still remembered I liked vanilla cake.

'Well, you said you preferred vanilla, didn't you? So I got Molly to bake you one,' he said, as I cut it up. 'She was about to make it chocolate.'

He always had a good memory. He never forgot a single thing anyone told him. In fact, he even remembered me telling him that Hinkypunks were secretly elves.

Since that time, we've always went up that hill. Always ordering cake - and sometimes ice cream just to make it even. All those happy afternoons in that little shop. Those innocent moments where you're well aware of each other, but trying to ignore those stupid feelings pulsating through your entire being. Those feelings that were always there. That have always been there.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Whatcha got there, Tonks?"

Today was actually a pretty dull day at the Ministry, considering that Voldemort was back. The one interesting thing was that Stan Shunpike got arrested. I mean, come on! That's complete rubbish. Bugger the damn Ministry. Just when you think everything'd be alright now that we've got Scrimgeour.

Though he's a much better Minister that Fudge, Scrimgeour isn't exactly the best of people. He was Head of the Auror Department. Which means, being my boss and all, he was a very powerful man. And a very disturbing man. He had once tried to get me into an affair with him. I didn't exactly know how to react. He was married to one of the nicest women I've ever met, Ivy Scrimgeour, who was friends with my mother. And I was dead scared of him. He was my boss; he controlled everything I ever did in my job. And we gave me the job. How could I defend myself? There were numerous times where he made comments about how I looked, saying things like 'suits you well, Tonks' or 'Maybe that could be worn lower'. And he was a bit sexist, thinking us females were weak.

I had considered commenting to Sirius on this, before he had passed. This was during last year - when the Ministry was still acting dumb about the whole Voldemort case. But I knew if I told Sirius, he might just come charging into the building without a second though - something that would cause him and Kingsley Shacklebolt danger. Kingsley, being in charge for the whole Sirius Black hunt, kept feeding the Ministry information that he was in various places around the globe. If Sirius were to suddenly show up, he would most likely end up in Azkaban, be tortured, or be sentenced to death. Same with Kingsley. So telling my dear cousin was a no-go.

I then also thought about telling Remus. But the Ministry knew about him being a werewolf. They wouldn't take him seriously. And they might put him into Azkaban for false facts. And besides, Remus had enough on his plate, what with the Order and everything. No, I didn't bother him either.

So I told Mad-Eye Moody. Mad-Eye was always one I could trust - even with my entire life. Never once has he let me down. Sure, he's snapped at me numerous times for being clumsly. He's told me to 'shut up, 'bugger off', and 'piss away', but he was always there to listen. So I told him.

Moody always had his ways with certain people. He never exactly liked Scrimgeour. Yes, Scrimgeour was a great Auror; he was Head of the Department. But Moody always thought he was careless. And of course, selfish. He told Scrimgeour something - I'm still not exactly sure what it was to this day. But the day after I reported this bit of information to Moody, Scrimgeour had come up to me and given me a full apology.

Scrimgeour was a bit thick in the head. I don't know why he'd arrest Stan. I mean, the boy's literally useless. It's like as if he's only arresting the poor kid so that the public would think the Ministry was doing something. Yeah, we are doing something. The wrong something, but still. It's something.

Psh, whatever. I'm only here to scoop as much shit to report back to the Order anyway. So's Kingsley. Well, the both of us are also in it for the pay. We got a raise since the Voldemort story leaked out and people started believing it (finally), and panicking.

"Tonks?"

Startled, I look up from my desk. Kingsley Shacklebolt, one of my favourite people, stood on the other side of my desk. "Yes?"

"You seem very comfortable. What are you doing?"

I guess I was more comfortable than I should've been. My feet were up on my desk, and I was sitting back in my chair, lounging, reading, and having a nice cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I guess you can say I'm feeling quite at home," I answered, taking my legs off the desk, sitting down properly. "Something bothering you?"

"Oh, no. Just bored. Felt like having some small talk."

"Small talk? Since when have you been one for small talk?"

"Since now."

He smiled a very large, fake smile.

Kingsley often reminds me of Remus. But then again, they were best friends. True, Remus had Sirius and James. But then, Sirius had James. It was always those two. Although I knew they included Remus in every little thing they did, he wasn't exactly the 'best' friend. Remus considered Sirius and James to be his brothers. Friends as close as brothers. But not 'best' friends.

Kingsley and Remus had met a year after Remus left Hogwarts. Kingsley was a year older than Remus, but they still got along well. Both into politics, both book lovers, both serious, and inwardly funny. I didn't know they knew each other until I entered the Order. Their friendship was a weird one. You'd never guess they were close, unless you observe them closely. They always talked to each other in brief moments, exchanging whatever comments. Sometimes, they would go through a few meetings in a row without speaking to each other. I never knew, until Remus had mentioned Kingsley one time in Grimmauld, when everyone was gone, and it was one of those rare moments where he, Sirius and myself were together. He told us him and Kinglsey were very good friends. Best friends in fact. I had made a very surprised exclamation, which he just smiled at.

'Kingsley and I are best friends. It might seem weird, Nymphadora, but it's true. Actually, it still seems a bit weird to me. But it's true.'

Kingsley was a lot like Remus. Extremely sunny when he wanted to be, quiet, and observant. But he was much more of a risk taker than his best friend. He got married.

"So, Kingsley. What topic did you have in mind?" I asked, putting my book down to a corner of my desk.

He eyed my book. "Muggle book?"

"Yeuuup."

"Pride and Prejudice."

"Yes..."

"Never really thought you were into such books."

"Well, I am!"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, giving him a defiant look.

"What do you think of Mr. Darcy?" he asked, folding his arms, raising an eyebrow.

"He's got a lot of pride."

"And Elizabeth?"

"Quite prejudice."

Where this conversation was going, I don't know.

"Seems like another two people I know."

At this comment, I looked up at him suspiciously. He looked impassive. But then, he always did. That's what made him a great Auror.

"Who?" I asked, rolling my chair closer, thus, getting closer to him.

"Oh, just these two people."

"Who?"

"Nobody."

"They wouldn't be nobody if you know them!"

"Okay, so they're somebodies."

Kingsley Shacklebolt has many good qualities. He's loyal, honest, hardworking, friendly, respectful, and above all, kind. But to subject the negative points, he's also stubborn, difficult, and secretive.

I attempted deeper into the conversation, hoping he'd give me clues. But for some reason, I had a feeling I already kenw them. "Do I know these people?"

"I don't know. In a way, I guess."

" 'In a way' ?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean, in a way?"

"Let's just say, the man is a lot like Mr. Darcy."

"Proud?"

"Both proud and ashamed. He knows his faults, but he doesn't really do much to change anything. Very secretive. Likeable. I know a few women in fact."

"Okay, so what about the woman?"

"Well, in a way, she's a bit prejucie. Not exactly, but she's got some. Makes big assumptions on situations."

After these clues, I wasn't too sure who he was talking about. My first guess still lingered, but I'm a bit confused.

"You know, Tonks, he's not as proud as you think he is. He's actually a bit ashamed."

"What -"

And then I realized, my first guess was on target. I had my suspicions that he was talking about Remus and myself.

"Kingsley, the guy said flatly that he didn't want anything to do with me! Romantic-wise, of course..."

"So?"

"So? He thinks I'm too young! Well, I think he's just too stupid to see that something good might happen. He's so thick, you know that, Kingsley? No offense, seeing as you and him are best mates and everthing, but he can just be the biggest bugger in the world!"

"And there it is, ladies and gentlemen; her prejudice persona coming into play."

What? When was I being prejudice?

"How was that prejudice!"

"Oh, I think I shall quote you. 'I think he's just too stupid to see that something good might happen'. Isn't that a bit... how to put it... deeming?"

"How!"

"He knows. He's not that stupid. I'm sure his attitude might have been a bit crude, but he knows."

"What? What does he know?"

"He knows how 'good' it will be. He's just... ashamed of himself. Oh, and scared."

"Scared? Of me? I didn't do anything!"

"He's scared of many things."

"I just wish he'd tell me..."

"Well, seeing as how you react to such things, like just now, I know why."

"Piss off, Kingsley."

"Gladly, my fair lady."

He stood up from the chair, smiling. That's Kingsley. He knows I don't mean it, and he knows my quick mood swings. I roll my eyes at him.

He walked away, but just before turning the corner away from my office, he stopped. "Did you ever get to the end of that book?"

That was an unexpected question. "Yeah, many times. Why?"

"What happens to Darcy and Elizabeth?"

"They end up getting married, forgetting their proud and prejudice ways."

"Exactly."

"What's that mean?"

"Maybe Remus will forget his pride too."

"Not likely."

"And maybe - just maybe - you'll stop being so prejudice."

"What! I'm not - "

"Tell me how it ends in the future. I'm quite curious."

And with that, he left.

I'm not prejudice. Sure, I make the odd assumptions here and there. But hey - who doesn't?

Besides, only in books do two people, desperately in love with each other, no matter whatever troubles they're in, manage to find each other and be together. Even if Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, at least they were together. Even if it were for a short period of time. Only in books do happy endings come.

I just don't see a happy ending here.

But then again, I'm just assuming.

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hello! if you're going to bother reading this, how about you also bother to **_review? _**alright, thanks. )


	4. A Talk with the Weasleys

**a/n:** hi. guess what guys? in a month and three days, it will be september. and then, after labour day, school will start. and once school starts, i will be in the eleventh grade. and that means two hour examinations. and universities will be looking at these grades.

so to sum it all up; in a month and three days plus labour day, i will be officially screwed. harhar.

* * *

When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world.

Nothing has been going right these past few days. First off, Stan Shunpike is still being held hostage for whatever reason the Minister sees fit. Kingsley Shacklebolt - no longer one of my favourite people - has been giving me funny looks, with huge smiles that signify that he knows something I don't. That or he's making fun of me. Either one. Mad-Eye too, is adapting one of the now famous Kingsley Jerk Smiles, and even sniggering everytime I walk past them. I don't know why.

Oh yeah. Remus will be back in three days. I haven't seen him since that small talk we had before he left. I have a resentment towards seeing him. I really do not want to face him.

The whole Order - Snape and Minerva not counted - sat around at the Burrow. Considering that it is now the only safe place to go to. The defensive spells put around the house haven't been taken yet, so it's really the next best thing... even if many other witches and wizards know about it.

It feels weird to be sitting around, with no Sirius. He was always there, present at every metteing. But then he was confined to Grimmauld, so he'd have nothing better to do except to attend the meetings. We've had four meeting since he left us. It's been quieter - Sirius always loved talking over people or interrupting them, especially Severus Snape.

Remus too hadn't been present for the last three meetings. I don't know what he does down there; how can he stand to live in such confinement? Unlike Sirius, Remus always listened to what everyone would say, before speaking himself. He'd often stop Sirius from interrupting or making rude comments to the reporters. It was funny to see how someone like Sirius, who is loud, impulsive and rash, be controlled by someone as warm and quiet as Remus.

"So then, Dedalus, you will be on guard duty at Diagon Alley."

I jerked from my daydreaming. Looking around, I caught Kingsley smirking at me. Gosh, one more annoying look, and I swear - I will punch him.

"And Fletcher, you shall be at the Knockturn Alley post."

Moody was giving out instructions for the fourth round of guard duty. Guard duty has been a real pisser these few days - it's all we seem to do. Yet, it's all we can do.

Moody was assigned to be Dumbledore's Second in Command; basically, he took over the head of meetings when Dumbledore himself wasn't present. And gave us orders. Order after order after order. Oh, and he's a bit paranoid. Just yesterday, when I had my lunch break, I went down the elevator to give Arthur a visit at his new post, dealing with magical trinkets or whatever it is he's doing. After one stop down, Mad-Eye came into the elevator with me, and stared crucially at me. Well, at my head actually. I had my wand stuck behind my ear while I was rummaging around for something in my bag. But being as clumsy as I am, I had dropped my notebook - the object I was retrieving from my bag - and my wand too had dropped and rolled to the corner of the elevator.

'Tonks!' Moody suddenly screamed, pulling me towards him by the elbow. 'What do you think you are doing!'

'I - I... was just uh... getting - ' I had started, mumbling as he gave me an intense look with both eyes.

'You weren't paying attention!'

'What?'

'What? WHAT!'

'May-Eye, are you feeling unwell?'

'Me? Unwell? Never! It's YOU feeling unwell!'

'Er... sorry?'

'Wand safety dear girl! Wand safety!'

'Wand safety?'

By now, I had a feeling of resenting him walking into the elevator. He sometimes got like that, Moody, when he sees something he thinks is wrong. Scary and mean. But I guess he's just trying to be helpful.

'Wand safety, lass!' he exclaimed, wagging his knarled fingers in my face. 'Never, and I mean NEVER, put your wand behind your ear! What if it ignited? What if your ear pops off? What if your HEAD falls!'

'Uh...'

'Don't go rummaging through your damn bag! Chin up, head high, eyes alert! What if you dropped something? But then you DID drop something!'

'Alright?'

'Your wand fell off! It could have ignited! And wands ROLL! What if your opponent took your wand? What would happen?'

'Well, he'd have my wand...'

'Damn right he'd have your wand! And a second later, he'd have you! You'll be ten feet under, Tonks!'

'Mad-Eye, this is getting ridiculous...'

I had missed my stop twice, as he wouldn't let me off without a proper lecture. A few people were waiting, but once saw mad-Eye in one of his lessons, decided for the better that they patiently wait until the elevator was cleared of us.

'Ridiculous! It is YOU being ridiculous! Don't you ever let me catch you doing such an irresponsible thing with your wand!'

'Alright, alright. Geez, don't have a seisure.'

'I'll have a seisure if the team were to lose an important Auror!'

'You think I'm important? Why, thank you!'

'It's not a compliment! I'm trying to teach you a lesson!'

'And I have sure learnt it well.'

My stop was coming, and this time he didn't stop me from getting off.

But as I headed towards Arthur's office, I could here him distinctly calling after me.

'CONSTANT VIGILANCE, LASS! CONSTANT VIGILANCE!'

Oh, I'll be constant in my vigilance. It would help me avoid you.

'REMEMBER, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!'

So I had a pretty good lesson yesterday about wand safety, compliments that aren't really compliments, and constant vigilance.

"So, Tonks, you'll be having the next week off."

I escaped from my ponderings to give a sigh of relief to these words. I haven't had a week off from guard duty in the last month. Along with my post at the Ministry, I can say that everything's been stressful.

"That's a wrap, everyone," Moddy announced, straightening the scrolls on the table and giving everyone a knod. "Always, remember - "

"Constant vigilance." Everyone rolled their eyes as they finished Mad-Eye's often repeated line.

"Very funny," he said, as he hobbled out of the room. "I'm off. Gotta send Dumbledore a letter..."

Slowly, one by one, everyone around me turned to leaave, bidding Molly and Arthur good-nights. I've decided to stay behind - I don't exactly feel like being alone.

The room was empty by now, with me as the only occupant.

"Tonks!" exclaimed Molly, looking mildly surprised. "What are you still doing here? It's a bit late..."

"Yeah, I know." I gave a sigh and rested my head on my arms. "I don't feel quite good."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

How on earth did she know I wanted to talk about something?

"Why do you think I need to have a talk?" I asked, looking up suspiciously at her. "Maybe I'm sick."

She shrugged. "Well, you seem perfectly fine. So it's most likely you have something on your mind."

"Well, that's true... but I don't exactly want to bother you. Are you sure you're free?"

"Of course I'm free, Tonks. My children aren't here, and there are no mouths to feed. Free as a bird."

"Oh. Alright then."

I paused a little. I don't know how to start such a conversation I had planned.

"It's about - " I started, but am interrupted.

"Hey, is there some sort of party I'm not invited to?"

Arthur had just walked in, lookng around curiously at us.

I gave another sigh and pulled a chair that had been tucked in beside me. "Have a seat, Arthur."

He took a seat beside me, and had conjured up three mugs of tea. I'm not sure if talking to Arthur would let me feel comfortable - he's always fidgety when it comes to issues such as mine. And he makes jokes, trying to pass of some humour in the situation. It just makes everything worse. But still, I like Arthur very much. So I guess it's alright.

"Alright, my dove," he said bracingly, giving me his full attention. "What is the problem?"

"Well, I dunno... you see, there's this guy - "

"Oh, it's one of those problems."

Arthur gave an uncomfortable shift in his chair, but since he had already sat down and offered his help, he couldn't get out of it. His ears were starting to grow scarlet, and I smiled inwardly to myself.

"Yes, Arthur. It's one of those problems."

"Well, go on dear," Molly said, patting my hand from across the table. "What is it?"

"Okay. Here's how it is." I sucked in a big breath, ready to let everything out. "There's this guy. And well, I guess you can say I've known him or a while now."

"Is he doing something to you?" Arthur asked, suddenly looking alarmed.

I have no idea where he got that from. "No... the thing is, he's - he's not doing anything at all!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I kinda... sorta... told him that I kinda sorta liked him."

"Oh, that's good!"

"But all he did was push me away. Or in other words, pull himself back."

Molly and Arthur looked at each other. But they showed different emotions. Arthur's was confused and embarassed. Molly's was that of affection and knowing exactly what the problem was.

"Well, Tonks," Molly started, shifting her weight on the chair and leaning forwards to me. "He's just afraid."

Why does everyone keep saying that? Is he really that much of a wimp? I don't think so...

"Oh, I know he's afraid, but - " I said, but paused. Is she thinking of who I'M thinking of? "Who're you talking about?"

"Well, Remus of course."

Okay, so this is awkward. Molly sat back, with a superiorly smug look, sipping from her mug of tea. And Arthur looks competely flabbergasted.

"REMUS!" he questioned with a amazed tone. "Remus? Remus Lupin, the werewolf?" Molly and I nodded. "Hold on a second here. Remus Lupin, the quiet, reserved, werewolf! Remus who's off in the underground? OUR Remus!"

"Yes, Arthur, now shut up!" Molly cried, exasperated at her husband's awe. "Besides, what on earth is wrong with Remus lupin?"

Arthur, who sometimes does quail under his wife's demands, shut his mouth and resumed to putting his hands on his lap.

"I asked you a question, Arthur!"

"But you told me to shut up!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, just - what is it with Remus Lupin that you're against?"

We both turned to loook at him. He looked thoughtfully and gave a shrug. His wife threw her hands in the air, giving me a look that cleary stated 'he can sometimes be a moron'.

"Really, Arthur," I said, my curiosity piqued. "What's wrong with Remus?"

"Nothing much," he answered, taking a sip of his tea. "I mean, I just never really thought you'd go for his type."

Molly's eyes grew thin. "Do you have anything against the man, Arthur?"

He looked affronted. "No!"

"Then what?"

"Well, it's just that, I just always thought Tonks would go for the loud type of men... you know... since she's a bit... volumizing herself."

"What a nice choice of words," I commented dryly to his description of me.

"But he's a good choice!" he suddenly said, shrinking back from his chair. His wife had given him a look.

"And Arthur's sure right," Molly said, following her husband's words. "He's a good man. That's what every woman needs - a good man."

"So you told him, did you?" Arthur asked, apparantly forgetting about Molly's look. "What did he say?"

"Oh, come on, now that's obvious isn't it?" Molly straightened herself in her chair and rolled her eyes. "He probably did his noble 'I'm not good enough for you, too dangerous' speech."

"Now give him some credit, dear. He's not that humble."

"Oh, yes he is," I mumbled, slumping in my chair, looking down. "Not to mention, his 'I'm too old for you, too poor for you' bit."

"And like I said before," Molly stated, once again looking superior. "Remus is an odd one. He's actually a lot smarter than he puts himself to be."

"I know he's smart. Look at him - he's practically a Scholar!"

"What's a Scholar?" Arthur questioned, looking intrigued. Anything about muggles gets him going.

"A muggle who is a sepcialist in a given branch of knowledge."

"So how do you get to be one - "

"Anyway, back to Remus," Molly said, breaking up the muggle talk, shaking her head. "Does he share the same feelings with you?"

"See, that's it! I don't - "

"Yeah, he does."

I whip my head to the right, looking at Arthur intently. "What!"

He gave me a surprised look. "You never knew?"

"No, I never knew!"

"How can't you?"

"How CAN I!"

"Why didn't you tell us!" Molly had stood up from her seat, giving her husband a whack on the head. "Why didn't you say anything!"

"But it was obvious!" he cried, ducking away from Molly's hand, about to slap him again.

"Yet you acted as though you knew nothing, a few minutes ago!"

"Well, I didn't know Tonks returned his... likings?"

Molly sat back down on her seat, trying to stop herself from fully throwing him across the room.

I grabbed Arthur's arm. "He likes me?"

"Yes," Arthur answered, covering his head just incase.

I threw his hands back to his sides. "How do you know?"

"Like I said before, it was obvious!"

"If it were obvious, then I would have known! Molly would have known! Everyone would have known."

"Well, you two don't exactly spend much time with him..."

"We do too!" Molly and I both yelled, completely affronted.

"Okay, fine. Maybe it wasn't obvious with you two. He's a bit shy with women."

"But he's never shy with me!" I cried. "We always talk!"

"Shy about his feelings towards women, maybe."

"What do you mean?"

"Tonks, he's not as bold as you - he's not going to go up to you and confess that he likes you. He's just emotionally unstable when it comes to relationships."

"So how do you know?"

"Oh, you see the signs."

"WHAT signs?"

He stroked his chin, staring at the ceiling. "For starters, he's always out with you."

"Yeah, on Order business!"

"Other than Order business, weren't there times that it was just the both of you going out for no reason whatsoever tied with work?"

Now that I think about it, he has a point.

"And, when I have conversations with him, he suddenly spaces out with this weird smile on his face."

I always thought he was just remembering about Sirius and James and everything else in the past.

"And we often see him giving glances towards your direction."

Interesting. I didn't know that.

"That, and he told me."

What?

"Oh, and Kingsley."

AND Kingsley!

"And now that I've told you, only the five of us know. So please, be quiet on the subject."

He likes me!

"See, dear? There's nothing to worry about." Molly had taken my hand, giving me a smile. "He'll come to his senses."

But everything faded. What senses? Remus had no sense. If he had some sense, he would have told me earlier. If he had sense, he would have at least said something when I confronted him about my feelings. If he had sense, he would't be stuck underground doing whatever it is he's doing. If he had any sense, he'd be here right now.

But he has no sense. He didn't tell me earlier; he didn't even tell me when I told him. He's stuck underground with potentially dangerous werewolves, instead of being here. And I'm here, talking to the Weasleys about my love life.

"I don't think he'd come to his senses." I took my hand away from Molly's grasp, feeling even worse than when I'd started.

Both husband and wife exchanged glances. looking uncomfortable.

"If you want, Arthur and I could talk to him," Molly gestured, with a small smile. "We could help clue him in."

"No, really, that's alright. He must have his reasons for not saying anything."

"Don't be silly, dear. We'll talk to him."

"Oh, please don't, Molly," I said, with an alarmed tone in my voice. "If he finds out I talked about this with anyone, he'll hate me forever!"

"Give him a break, Tonks," Arthur said, waving his hands in my face. "He won't hate you. He doesn't hate that many people. Though if I were in his position, there would be plenty more on the list."

"Now get up," Molly said, coming over to the other side of the table, helping me up. "Put on a smile - girls always look their best when smiling."

I tried and gave the most feeble of smiles I had ever given in my whole entire life. I am the most pathetic person in the universe.

I grabbed all three mugs, and was about to be headed into the kitchen, untill Molly and Arthur stopped me.

"Uh, Tonks, maybe I should get those," Molly said, rushing to my side, trying to wrestle the cups away from my grip.

I held tightly onto them, feeling a bit annoyed. "I can handle a few cups, Molly. Thanks."

"But Tonks - "

"No, really, Molly. I'll bring them back to the kitchen."

She left me alone, but twisted her hands together, looking nervous.

And right before making it all the way to the sink, my stupid accident-prone self trips over the leg of a chair, sending the mugs to a crashing state.

"Oh dear!" Molly gasped, pulling her wand out. "Reparo!"

I feel like complete shit as of right now.

Arthur must have sensed my low self esteem, because within a second, he was beside me, with his arm around my shoulders.

"Think of it this way - Remus is a werewolf."

I gave him a look of disbelief. "I don't CARE if he's a werewolf!"

"No," he said bracingly, tightening his grip. "He's got the keenest senses! With him around, nothing can be broken! He's a speedy one, that Remus. Can catch anything in half a second."

"Gee, that sure makes me feel much better."

"You're welcome!"

Sometimes, Arthur Weasley can be the weirdest person I have ever endured.


	5. It's in Her Hair

**a/n:** one word: **_review_**.

and _seriously_, tell me if you like it or not. i don't know what to write about if you dont give suggestions.  
every little comment would be appreciated.  
8-)

* * *

"How's it going, Remus? Not in any sort of trouble, yeah?"

"Well, I can honestly say it's been much better."

I've been back for a day and a half. And still, there is no sign of her.

"Anyone worth the trouble to go through it?"

"Stuff it, Kingsley."

"My pleasure."

I had just shown up for the Order meeting, the first one of the month. Everyone had come up to me at least once, asking me if I've been doing good. Asking me if I'm in any way damaged. And a few times, asking whether I had any contacts with her.

Well, only Kingsley. Along with his smirk. I can smirk better. I just have nothing to smirk about at the moment.

There was a loud clatter as everyone tried to gather around the Weasley's living room; meetings were still being held there. In my opinion, we should have it someplace else. What's wrong with Grimmauld Place? We know now that Bellatrix can't take over it, as Sirius had left it for Harry. Why not use the house? It's by far much safer. The Burrow is easy suspect.

"Alright, alright," came a hoarse grumble from the living room entrace. We all quieted down as Moody had hobbled his way into view. But instead of taking post at the front of the crowd, he sat down with everyone else.

Our curiousity was soon answered as Albus Dumbledore swept gracefully into the room - he looked much thinner than usual.

Dumbledore took his place at the front, standing as he usually did so.

"Now, everyone. What has been on thy minds?"

That's just like Dumbledore. He never gets straight to the point - he's always asking what we're thinking of, waiting for us to get to the point instead. It lessened the twitchy mood around us all. If we were to freely discuss any topic first, we'd get better acquainted; there'd be less abruptness in the conversation.

"Everything's gone mad about the Ministry."

Arthur Weasley, who was sitting three seats away from me, had spoke. Arthur was sually the one who spoke first. It was a bit like a custom.

"They arrested Stan Shunkpike, for heaven's sake!" Molly cried, looking flustered.

There's an abrupt murmur around the room.

"They're going after the wrong people,"squeaked Dedalus Diggle, his face crimson. He was always nervous for some reason.

"Can't you put some sense into them, Albus?" Kingsley asked, his voice as slow as usual.

Everyone looked at Dumbledore for his answer. But he sighed and shook his head. "Rufus Scrimgeour will not listen to me. He is much like Fudge in some ways. He refuses to take in any suggestions. It is his first time as Minister - he wants to savour it. He is trying to build trust amongst his people. We must learn to trust him."

"Wait a bit," Bill Weasley suddenly said, scratching his chin. "So you're telling us that we're suppossed to trust some guy who just arrested a twenty-one year old Knight Bus assistant, who was probably just at the wrong place at the wrong time? You're telling us that we're suppossed to trust some guy who can't even track down a single Death Eater? Some guy who isn't doing ANYTHING, except trying to look busy, when really, all he's doing is recruitig supporters for what ever reason?"

"Yes."

And there it was. All simply said. Yes, we were suppossed to trust 'some guy who isn't doing anything', 'some guy who arrested a bumbling idiot of an assistant to the Knight Bus', and 'some guy who has it in for werewolves.' Oh yes, he has it in for werewolves. Deeply.

"Deedn't you even try talking to 'im, Dumbly-Dore?" Bill's girlfriend, Fleur Delcaour, asks, sounding puzzled. "Maybe eet would 'elp if you deed. Zere may be a reason why 'e is acting ze way 'e does."

"Yes, Ms. Delacour, I have tried talking to him." For the first time since the meeting started, Dumbledore has grown a weary look. It makes the rest of us feel troubled. If Dumbledore feels threatened, it just means everything's down the drain. Great.

"What did 'e say?"

Dumbledore paused. I think a bit of it was for effect. I can surely say it worked. "He said many things. But his main message was for me to get Harry to be his... how shall I put this?... Propaganda."

"What do you mean?" asked Molly, now looking concerned. She's not the only one.

"Propaganda. He wants Harry to voice his reassurance that everything would be fine. So that the public can feel relieved. He wants Harry to spill everything he has learnt from me. And I told him no. I won't let him spread false words to make everyone feel safe when we all know we aren't. Facing fear is the only way to make the people stronger."

"What did he say about that?"

"Oh, he offered me a few things. And told me Harry would get the best protection of the Ministry and whatnot. No point, really. Harry doesn't need protection. He's the protector."

Silence suddenly waved upon us all. Harry was the protector. Does that mean we are all destined to some sort of ill fate? That we'd suffer in the hands of Voldemort? That Harry must do something in order to keep us all safe?

The war is insane. Everything has gone insane these days. I've just learnt from this meeting alone that Stan Shunpike was arrested. It's quite silly, to arrest him. I mean, let's be serious for a second - would Stan actually BE a Death eater? I have high doubts on that - Stan was always a bit of a dunderhead. Why would Voldemort want a foolish kid in his ranks? Why would -

"Moving on to other things," Dumbledore said abruptly, wrecking my train of though. "Remus, how was your trip?"

I don't know how he could have called it a 'trip' It wasn't a trip at all. It was more of an... expedition. Well, no, expeditions are usually fun. A sort of... non-fun expedition.

"Fine," I mumbled, looking at my feet. I hadn't really counted on talking about my 'trip' with everyone in the room. Well, almost everyone.

"Sorry, Remus, could you speak up please?"

"It was fine."

"What happened?"

"Nothing much..."

"Well, 'nothing much' means that there IS a bit 'much' to talk about. So, let us all hear it, if you please."

I hate it when he does that. How he can put you on the spot so suddenly that you're lost for words. He did it to me often in the meetings. I never liked sharing much; I'm a private person. After all the years he's known me, Albus Dumbledore knows I'm not one for revealing anything. And yet, he's been making me pop the lid often.

I especially hate it when everyone looks at me like that, with their expectant expressions. Of all subjects to take up on, why this one? Why not more important ones, like whether we got any new recruits? Or if we've tracked down any Death Eaters? How about if anyone knows a bit of Voldemort's plans and why he's keeping quiet so suddenly after last year's commotion in the Ministry? Or better yet - where the fuck is Peter Pettigrew?

"When you're ready."

I look up at the Headmaster, who seems to be losing patience with every second I've stalled.

"I met Fenrir greyback."

There were confused whispers throughout the place; 'Who's Fenrir Greyback?'

"Fenrir," Dumbledore said, breaking the mutters, explaining to everyone, "is Head of the Werewolf clan underground. He is the most vicious of them all, seeking to attack children."

"Why Children?" Elphias Doge asked, sounding intrigued and scared at the same time.

"Because children are easy targets. And because they can grow up to hate 'normal' folk - people who are free of lyncanthropy. So that one day, werewolves would be treated with respect. He wants people to quail under his influence, and hopes one day, to conquer us all. Remus here, was bitten by the very same Fenrir Greyback as a child."

And once again, the murmurs start. But instead, they're going my way. People giving me peeks of concern, pity, and fear. In response, I ignore it all. I'm used to being treated this way; it's how it's been all my life. Somtimes, I don't really blame Fenrir for acting the way he does. Werewolves aren't treated with enough respect. We're as good as any other witch or wizard out there. Heck, sometimes we're even better.

"Anyway," I said, interrupting the commotion with a roll of my eyes. "It has been fully understood that many - if not all - are on the dark side."

"How do you know?" questioned Arthur, his brows knitting together.

"Well, for starters, Voldemort can offer them everything that the Ministry denies them of. They can gain - "

But my flow is intercepted by an alarming 'pop'. We all whip our heads towards the sound, and a second later, stands Nymphadora Tonks, oddly, unremarkable today. Her clothes looked plainer than usual, her face more thin and gaunt, and her hair - oh my, her hair. It's brown. And wispy. And all hanging. I have never once in my whole life seen hair as lifeless on her than now.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, looking frantic, apologetic, and frazzled. She was always one for new looks. "Got held up at the Ministry and all - Scrimgeour's giving me tasks that are beyond my expertise!"

"What tasks?" Moody asked, his eyes narrowing at her. She gives him the smallest of headshakes, obviously meaning 'I'll tell you later'.

"That's quite alright, Nymphadora," Dumbledore said smoothly, gesturing for her to take a seat. "We were just simply listening on Remus' - "

"Oh gosh - ! Sorry Bill!"

She seemed to have tripped over something causing her to fall. And Bill came down with her.

"Nono, it's okay, Tonks," Bill winced, getting up gingerly. He helped her slowly back on her feet.

"I am SO sorry, Bill! I didn't mean it!"

"No harm done. Here, there's a seat beside Fleur. Why don't you take it?"

Her face turns deep red, as she settles herself clumsily onto her seat. Fleur seems to have surpressed a smile behind her hand that covered her mouth, while everyone else shakes their heads, with a fond smile.

"As I way saying," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eyes, " We were listening to Remus' account on his mission. Do continue, Remus."

I turn my attention back to Dumbledore.

"Like I previously stated, Voldemort can give the werewolves what the Ministry has been denying them for centuries."

"What are these 'things'?" Moody had spoke, staring at me with both eyes. I don't like his magical eye. It makes his stare all the more intense. More creepy.

"Freedom. Equality. Secured job positions. Decent pay."

"And you know this for sure, lad?"

"Not exactly. But Fenrir keeps talking as if he's already at the top of the league concerning Voldemort. And since everyone else is too afraid of him to speak up, it's more than likely that soon, every single one of them would be in his ranks."

I don't understand how all the werewolves can be influenced by a single individual. They have their own minds. Sure, they don't have much freedom in the world, they're confined to themselves, and they're not trusting. But honestly, they have the right to their own opinions. They can make their own decisions. They shouldn't base their choices because Fenrir is threatening them. They're already as dead as can be, what with living alone underground with no company but a manipulative asshole of a leader. Why not just do the right thing for once?

I realize that the room is quiet, and everyone seems to be in deep thought. I don't know what they're thinking of. But I know it's along the same trail as my own thoughts.

"I must get going."

We all look up, surprised by the hasty remark. Dumbledore had swept his cloak on.

"I need to get back; there are a few matters I have to attend to. I apologize for leaving after so short a meeting. But I must go at once."

And with that, he stepped into the fireplace, and Flooed himself back to Hogwarts.

With Dumbledore's leave, everyone seemed to be disappearing from the Burrow.

"When are you going back?"

I turn around, facing Kigsley Shacklebolt. He has an inquisitve look about him.

"In four days."

"Not too long then."

"Not too long."

Kingsley and I have the most peculiar friendship. One that most people wouldn't understand. We can understand each other through hand gestures, raised eyebrows, certain looks, and most unspoken forms of communicating. We don't say much, Kingsley and I. And I guess we both prefer it that way, seeing as we aren't the articulate type. And we perceive each other perfectly.

Plus, he's a good person to talk to. I never have to express my feelings, something we're both uncomfortable doing. I just need to say a few things, and he would conceive the situation. And then he'd answer in the same manner. So, it's really great that we don't need to talk much. It's more of a companionable friendship. Something I've never really had with James, Sirius and Peter.

I do miss those three. They aren't Kingsley, but they were still like my brothers. Ones you fight with, wrestle with. How we always managed to get into trouble with each other, and get our ways out. We were like a pact - something that no one but the four of us would ever understand.

"Maybe a week." I looked around the room where some members still lingered about. My eyes fell on her.

"I see." I look back at Kingsley, where he resumes his smirk.

"What are you smirking about"

"Oh, nothing."

"Serious."

"Nothing. I swear."

"I know what you're thinking."

"What?"

"That I extended my stay because of Nymphadora."

"And it still amazes me how you can get away with calling her Nymphadora without being hexed."

I look over at her again, and she seems to be in deep conversation with May-Eye. She looks apprehensive.

"Go talk to her."

"I'm doing quite fine right now, thanks."

"Stop being such a wimp. Go talk to her."

"I'm not being a wimp!"

"Then go talk to her."

"About what? She probably hates me more than anything."

Which is probably true. I left her, denying her of my feelings. And even though I feel the same way as she, we both know perfectly well that nothing can happen. I mean, really, what can happen? What if one of us died? Wouldn't that just bring more pain and misery? She deserves someone young. Someone who, putting the war aside, can grow old with her, and take care of her at the most crucial moments. I know I'm not that person. I'm ten years older than she is. I am a potential danger; what if the wolfsbane potion stops working and I'd never be safe to be around? And I'm a poor man. I can never give her what her what she desires. I can't even give myself that.

"She doesn't hate you."

"Oh, and you've talked to her."

"A bit, yeah."

"What'd she say?"

"To sum it all up: you're a bloody moron."

"Like I said, she hates me."

"And like I said; no she doesn't."

"You just said she thinks I'm a moron!"

"Well, that's just my account on things. Maybe - "

"Hi Kingsley! Mad-Eye wants to talk to you."

We both immediately turn silent as Nymphadora appears beside us. She's making a point to ignore my presence, as her eyes are kept solely on Kingsley.

Kinglsye gives her a quizzical look, which she answers with a shrug. He slowly turns to leave, walking a bit stiffly.

She's right beside me. I haven't seen her in a month. I've been pining to talk to her for thirty days. I've been wanting to see her, to write to her, to laugh with her, to go get cake with her. And yet, all I seem to be doing is standing here, hands shoved inside the pockets of my robes, looking at a spot on the floor.

"So..."

Okay, so she's making the first move. It's alright. You can start some sort of conversation.

"What have you been doing?" I asked, finally looking at her. She's changed so much. The brow in her hair... it's a familiar type of brown. But at the moment, it's causing her to look horrid.

"Order business. Paper work."

"Ah..."

Okay, so we hit a glitch. It's okay. Move along.

"Anything new?" I glance sidelong at her. She's still ignoring me.

"No."

Is it just me, or is she being a bit cold?

"How are - "

"I have to go."

She finally looks at me, without a trace of expression on her face.

'W- why?" I asked, my words faltering. "You... just came though."

"Scrimgeour has me on detecting magical objects."

"But you're an - "

"Auror. I know."

"So you're going now?'

"Yes."

"Oh... well, I don't want to be a burden or anything - "

"How long are you staying for?"

She looks at me with hopeful eyes. I'm about to say four days, but something stops me.

"A week."

"So you'll be here for the engagement party on wednesday?"

Engagement party? There's an engagement party? Non one's told me anything... And for WHO!

She seems to havr read my mind. "Bill and Fleur's engagement party."

I didn't know Fluer and Bill were having an engagement party.

"Oh, sure. I'll be there."

"Good."

"Indeed."

"Yes, indeed."

We both stand there in stressed silence. I steal a glance at her, to see her pulling on her hair. She always did that when she was nervous. It's one of those things I've come to know about her. Like the fact that she has an allergy to fish. That she likes peanut-butter-banana sandwiches. How she tends to talk fast when she's scared or under pressure.

I turn around to say something to her, but find that I'm facing nothing but thin air. She had gone without a word. Just like I did, when I left for my mission to the underground. And although she just left from a strained conversation, it's a harsh gesture. And now, I know how she felt like when I left. But only a fraction. I would be seeing her in two days. She, on the otherhand, waited a month.

But she didn't have to wait to see me. She could have moved on. Moved on to better things.

Just like I have.

Or I think.


	6. Fate Fell Short This Time

**a/n:** it's official; i hate my boss. and i hate my job. i'm _super glad_ i'm only there for the summer. just one more month to endure.

and THANK YOU for the reviews. it amazes me that someone actually reads this. i mean, it's no work of art. so seriously - thank you for the compliments and suggestions.

and as for the sequel, i'll have to look into that. can't write one without reading the final book, can i?

keep the reviews going 8-)

* * *

Can this party get any more lame? I swear, if one more of these fluffy hearts hit my face again, I will scream. I WILL scream.

I know Fleur loves all things pretty and pink, but seriously - this is just over the line. In fact, it's so far from over the line, the line is a dot to her. Everything here is gross. Now, don't get me wrong; I absolutely adore pink. It's one of my favourite colours. But this... this is just WRONG.

Everywhere you look, there are fluffy pink hearts floating around the place. In all sizes. They get into the food, the drinks, your hair, your clothes - everything! I don't understand how Molly could let her host the party at the Burrow - it's insane.

I look over at Bill, who seems to not notice anything but his fiancée. Actually, many of them men here noticed nothing but Bill's fiancée. But she IS partly Veela.

I wonder how Molly's taking this. I'm keeping away from her - she's got her evil steely face on. And she's seething. Seething quietly in the corner on her armchair, with Fred or George, patting her arm in mock sorrow. I love those twins - they crack me up to pieces.

"Alone, my dear?"

A voice is in my ear, and I spin around. Kingsley takes a spot beside me, holding a small cup of pink fluid, filled with pink hearts to the brim.

He notices me looking at the cup. "Well, there isn't anything else to drink."

"What's it taste like?" I asked, peering warily into the cup. Disgusting.

"I don't know... I haven't touched it yet."

"Are you going to?"

"Maybe if I feel desperate to quench my thirst."

"So why are you carrying it around everywhere?"

"Gotta look polite, of course."

That's Kingsley. Always doing things to look polite. Just like Remus.

"So, how long have you been here?" I look curiously at him.

"About an hour or so."

"Why? That bored?"

"No... just trying to escape the wrath of my wife."

"What did you do this time?"

"I forgot her birthday."

"Horrible. You're a horrible person, Kingsley."

I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. Kingsley had a pretty good memory. He remembered Valentine's day, all his kids' birthdays, his anniversay, his friend's birthdays, and every other special occasion. He just seemed to keep forgetting his wife' birthday.

"I'll make it up to her," he muttered, looking abash.

"How?"

"Put her on a shopping spree. That cheers any woman up."

"Can't argue with that one."

Every time Kingsley was in trouble concerning his wife, all he needed to do was give her a shopping spree. And boy did she spree. Once, when she was particularly mad at him for forgetting her birthday and having dinner with her parents, she spent so much the poor guy couldn't buy anything for himself for three months. But he deserved it - missing her birthday and her parents' dinner.

"Scrimgeour still bothering you, Tonks?"

I turn my head to the right as a new voice comes along. Mad-Eye hobbles up beside me, he too, holding a cup of pink juice.

"No, sir," I reply, with a small sigh of relief.

"When has Scrimgeour been botherng you?" Kingsley asks, his eyes narrowing. He too knew how Scrimgeour treated women.

"Long time, Kingsley," I answer, shuddering.

"What did he do?"

"Tried to get me in the sack with him."

"WHAT!"

"Keep yer voice down, Shacklebolt. You're attracting stares," muttered Moody, peering around the room.

"He did WHAT?"

"Yeah, you heard me," I said, with a look of evil in me. I don't like bringing up the subject.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you're one of the top guys, Kingsley. I can't have you fired."

"When did it start?"

"Two years ago. But just last year he suggested it."

"Why didn't you tell someone? Sirius or something!"

"I can't tell Sirius! He would've been sent back! I couldn't do that to him. So I told May-Eye."

I see Kingsley glare at me suspiciously. I shrugged him off.

"What did you say to him, Mad-Eye?" he asked, nodding at Moody.

"Oh, just the normal threat here and there," he answered airily, as if it were nothing.

"Like what?"

"I'll keep that to myself, Shacklebolt."

Kingsley gave me a questioning look, but once again, I shrug. I don't know what he said.

"Why didn't you tell Remus?"

Kingsley smirks at me, while mad-Eye seems to be hiding a laugh behind his hand.

"What's that suppossed to mean?" I asked, knowing exactly what they meant.

"Well, maybe he could have done something."

"Whatever Kingsley."

The both of them burst into laughter, which attracts more stares than Kinglsye's previously sudden outburst.

I walk away, throwing them disgruntled looks. Stupid Kingsley. Stupid Mad-Eye. They can both be hexed into oblivion.

I wonder around the house, glancing at the guests. There was Fleur, in a magnificent golden dress that complimented her in every way possible. She seemed to be shining today, with a smile plastered to her face.

" 'Ello, Tonks! Are you 'aving fun?" she asks, as she travels around the room, coming to me.

"A bountiful," I answered, putting on a fake smile, hoping she'd buy it.

And she did.

That's what I like about her - she lets you off easy. She went on her way, continuing to greet everyone in sight. She seems so happy. So at bliss. So lucky. Why are the beautiful women always the lucky ones? The have everything - looks, good body, luck, money, men at their heels... The rest of us have nothing. NOTHING.

"Tonks!"

I spin around as I hear my name being called. Fred and George Weasley push their way to me. When I say push, I really mean push. They knocked poor Dedalus Diggle by the head as he toppled into a woman - unmistakably Fleur's mother as she looks almost identicle. They called an apology over their shoulders.

"Fred, George," I acknowledged, smiling at the pair. They're probably my favourites of the Weasley clan. Aside from Ginny - I just adore her.

"Hello Tonks!" Fred said, bowing to me. I could tell he was Fred - he had a scar on his fourth finger from God knows what.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," George said, glancing around him quickly. "We got something to tell you."

"What?"

They both look at each other, as if coming to an agreement over a sort of deal. Fred nodded his head as they both turned to me.

"You have to promise not to tell," he told me, looking sternly.

"Promise."

"Swear?"

"Stick a needle in my eye."

"Okay," George said his voice going rapidly down into a whispers. "We're only telling you this because we like you. And because we know you wouldn't tell a soul."

"Seriously, you guys. What is it?"

"Don't drink the Pomegranate juice."

"You mean that pink stuff?"

"Yeah."

I look suspiciously at them through my eyes which have turned to slits. "What did you do?"

"We spiked it."

"You spiked it!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"You're not suppossed to be messing with alcohal! Especially at your brother and future sister-in-law's engagment party! You two are unbelieveable sometimes, you know that?"

"Whoa, whoa!" Fred said, looking highly offended. "Now, why would you think we'd do THAT?"

"You just said you spiked it!"

"That we did, yes."

"Exactly! Where did you get the alcohal?"

"We don't have any."

"Hand it - wait, what?"

This seems a bit odd... they don't have any alcohal, and yet they spiked it.

"What did you two do?"

"We melted some Canary Creams and mixed it in."

"You didn't."

"Oh, we did."

And just as I'm about to say something, there's a huge bang coming from behind us, as Dedalus Diggle turned into a Canary.

"FRED, GEORGE, YOU GET YOURSELVES HERE, THIS INSTANT!"

"Sounds like mum," George murmurs to his twin.

"Well, gotta run, Tonks. If you don't see us, just remember: don't drink the juice."

"Oh," Fred added, before they shot away. "I'd stay away from the carrot cake too."

I smile to myself as I watch them jet off into the crowds, evading Molly, who's still screaming bloody murder. There was another bang as Dedalus Diggle transformed back into himself, and loud laughter issuing from the living room.

At this point, I decided to morph back into myself - au natural. Most people look for my pink hair, but seeing as the house is pink enough, I'm going back to my dark brown.

That's strange. My hair's still brown. The same brown as his... Oh well... it's better than grey, right?

With nothing better to do, I travelled back to where Kingsley was, who seemed to be standing alone.

"Alone, Kingsley?" I asked taking my place beside him.

He seemed a bit bored. "Pretty much, yeah. There's nothing to do anyway. Besides, everyone's talking about the same thing; Stan Shunpike."

"I would've thought you'd join in."

"After countless discussions, one tends to lose interest in a hopeless case."

That was true. It doesn't seem like the Ministry would be letting Stan off any time soon. It's only been a week, and already, I've had enough of the story. It just shows how stupid the Ministry can be, and how stupid the public can be to believe them.

"Do you recognize anyone?" I questioned, looking around the crowd. The majority are people I've never seen in my whole entire life.

"Some. Not most."

"Do you know who they are?"

"Well, I know that guy over there," he pointed to someone talking to Bill, "his name's Drew. Don't know the last name."

"Ah..."

"Were you looking for someone?"

He lifted his eyebrow at me.

I gave him a look. "No."

"Oh. Remus is going to be here soon."

"That's nice."

"Of course it would be nice! Someone who will actually talk about something other than Stan Shunpike. Just wish he'd hurry it up."

I turn away, once more, gazing at everyone. How can these people not be bored? There is absolutely nothing to do around here. I am out of my mind. Thank goodness Kingsley's here to keep me company, even if he is a bit sarcastic at time. And Remus will be here... even if he won't talk to me, at least he'd be here.

I saw him at the meeting. And for the first time in a year, we hit an uncomfortable discussion. He seemed to be trying to friendly - probably trying to act as if nothing has happened and it was just the same again. If I know Remus Lupin, I know he hates change. But you can't do anything about change - it just happens, good or bad. And our relationship has changed. Maybe for the better... I mean, we can't go on continuing to be friends with the way everything's been going on, can we? Besides... maybe I don't really like him. Maybe it's just how Molly said: 'People are rushing into things, such as marriage, because they think they'll die any second. They're trying to cram in as much happiness as they can.' Maybe I'm just trying to put something happy and wonderful in my life because of everything that's been going on, what with losing Emmeline and Amelia. And in trying to be happy, I just chose Remus because we've had many happy time together. I don't know anymore. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, we'd still be talking, he would still be here, and Kingsley wouldn't be smirking until his face falls off.

"Tonks?"

I jerk out of my thoughts, looking slowly around.

"Tonks!"

"What?" I said, absentmindedly, turning my attention back to Kingsley. Well, kingsley and some guy that had magically appeared next to him.

"I was just introducing you to a visitor from the Scottish Ministry."

Did he... did he just say 'Scottish Ministry?'

"He's on a visit," Kingsley continued, gesturing to the man now beside him. "We're trying to get the surrounding countries to join forces with us. And, he knows Bill. He's visited the Gringotts Bank a few years back."

My gaze slowly travels up the man standing beside Kingsley. He has spikey, boyish blonde hair. Green eyes. Clean, shaven face - no stubble. Tall and stocky - the sturdy stocky, not the chubby kind.

"Tonks?"

"Y-yes?" I faltered, shaking my head a bit, looking back at Kingsley.

"I just said that his name is Eric. Eric - "

"Morse." I finished Kingsley's sentence, staring at the man. Eric Morse. From Hogwarts.

"Long time no see, Nymphadora," said Eric, extending a hand.

I snap back to reality when he mentions my name. "Shut up, Eric. It's Tonks," I replied, smiling, taking his hand.

"You two know each other?" Kingsley asked, looking from one of us to the other.

Eric nodded his head. "Oh, Tonks and I go way back."

I blushed, smiling embarassingly. Kigsley must have seen this, for he asked, "How back?"

Eric, who had been staring fixedly at me, got out of his trance to answer. "Met each other at Hogwarts. Close friends."

"How close?" Kingsley asked again, his eyes narrowing at me, though addressing the question to Eric.

"We were... uh... exclusive back in seventh year."

"Huh. Interesting."

Kingsley gave the two of us one last suspicious stare, until walking away.

This is weird. This is really weird. Actually, it's so weird, the word 'weird' doesn't even cut it. Great! Here I am, standing around, with my ex-boyfriend beside me. And I look stupid. This is SO not cool. I am not wearing the right outfit! No, this is the worst outfit to be wearing when seeing your ex-boyfriend. You want to wear something extravegant, emphasizing that you're beautiful, that you're even MORE beautiful, and that he'd miss out on every piece of you. Yet an outfit casual enough to say that you're clearly doing great, work is good, and you've moved far out from the relationship. And here I am, wearing a modest deep red blouse, and black dress pants. Well, I guess this IS a good outfit for your ex-boyfriend to see... I mean, I do look wholesome. And who am I kidding, I look awesome! But really, if I'd have known in advance Eric would be here, this would so not be the outfit...

"How are you doing?" he asks, looking hopefully at me, with a small smile.

I remember that smile. He was the only boy with that cute smile. "Doing great, thanks."

"What are you doing nowadays? At the Ministry?"

"Yes, I'm an Auror."

He raises an eyebrow. "You're an Auror? Last time I knew, you were all into the Department of Magical Creatures."

That was true. Back in school, I was obsessed with everything to do with magical creatures. I excelled in Care of Magical Creatures, though sometimes I did disrupt class with my clunmsiness. And Yes, I was accepted to be in the Department of Magical Creature and everything. But I remembered my vow of avenging Sirius, and so I went for the Auror thing.

"Yeah... but being an Auror seemed that much better."

"Really? Even for one as clumsy as you?"

He flashed a grin at me, and I returned one. He always made fun of me for being accident-prone. But he was always nice about it. Just teasing. Like Remus.

Don't think about Remus. That's a done deal.

"Yes, and even if I nearly failed on Stealth and Tracking, I exceeded in Transfiguration."

"Only because you're a metamorphmagi."

"Hey, I'll use it to my advantage!"

He holds his up, in mock defeat. "Anyway, how's the metamorphing going?"

"Well," I answer. "It's been going great. I just need to come up with new styles."

"And what style do you have on right now?"

"Nothing. This is how I am. Orignally, of course. Except the hair colour."

He looks me up and down, as of examining me. It had been rare for him to ever see in my natural state. What can I say? I grew up in the eighties. There were tons of fashion statements back then... like the long, big rockstar hair. That was definitely in. And I can't believe it was. It was horrible!

"I always said you were one for beauty."

I tilt my head to the side. I loved being with Eric. He always made me feel special. He was a lot like me in character; flambuoyant. He was one of the more popular kids back then. He had the best hair, which was soft and effortless. He had the grace in his every movement. He was quidditch Captain, meaning he had a nice build. He came from a well respected family - though not pureblood. And he treated everyone with equality.

Plus, he took the time to be with me.

"Thank you," I reply shyly, my face growing hotter by the second. "Eric, why are you here?"

"Like Kingsley Shacklebolt said: Here to sort out past differences and join forces. Help with the uh... You-Know-Who issue."

"Oh... so how long are you here for?"

"I honestly can't say. A few weeks, a month, two months... it all depends on the situation."

"Right."

"Don't worry; you'll be seeing me around. You're in the Ministry."

"Yes, I am."

"I'll be making frequent trips to the Auror offices anyway."

"Why?"

"Well, we need to join forces don't we? We've got a couple of our own Aurors with us. And besides, it would be nice to have a catch-up with you."

I smile at him, the same smile as the one I had given him when he first asked me out.

"So, would you like a cup of juice?" he asked, for I had nothing in my hands.

"Sure, I would love - " Oh yeah... I forgot about the melted Canary Creams. "Actually, no thanks. I'm good."

"Well, if you insist."

He's about to take a drink. "NO!"

People all around stare at me, and I give them a look, making them turn back to whatever they were doing before.

He looks inside his cup. "What's wrong?"

"Just don't drink it."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with it."

"Trust me - just don't."

But he did. And he drank it all. And in seconds, he's transformed into a canary. He never really listened much to my advice. That was one of the things we'd argued about. Before he decided to move to Scotland.

He bursts back into his regular form, shaking his head vigorously.

"I told you not to drink it."

"And from now on, I'm going to take heed your advice."

I give a small chuckle, shaking my head. This will be great. Spending time with Eric. We really did need to catch up. All those missed years... And we never really talked much near the end of our break-up. He was too into his career, and I wanted more from him. Which got us into arguing in the first place, and made him move to Scotland. Or I assume that's what made him go to Scotland, since the Ministry here had offered him a job too. We needed to talk. We needed to sort everything out. And maybe this time, something good will be the ending result.

I don't need Remus. He told me to move on, didn't he? It was his idea. I'm not going to sit here and pine. I refuse to feel sullen and miserable, pending for something that won't happen. No, I will move on. That's right. I don't need Remus. I've lived most of my life without him. No need to keep dwelling on him.

Maybe this party turned out to be a good thing.


	7. Confessions of a Selfish Screwboy

**a/n:** alright. onto chapter number the... seventh. righto. boy, am i committed to this thing.

okay, so. dear _'candi tonks'_, because the previous chapter had no remus, you get the lovely gift of having a whole remus chapter. and just because we all love remus, the next chapter shall also star him too. so, _candi tonks_, here's your chapter devoted to remus. do keep commenting. i enjoyed your review. 8-)

_and seriously people_, **REVIEW.** i like having comments steered toward my way, as my story is for YOU. you, yes you. without comments, i am lost to whether or not this is a good story. without your precious reviews, there will sadly be no more new installments to this lovely tale, for i'm an insecure critter.

**SO REVIEW**. it will make me happy. like this : 8-D

* * *

So, is it just me, or does this place look horrid?

"Remus! You actually came!"

Next thing I know, I'm being slapped on the back by Bill Weasley.

Coughing, I return a wave. "Couldn't miss the engagement for the world."

"Can you believe it? I'm getting married!"

"To one lucky lady, yes."

"Thanks a lot, Remus. Your being here makes it all the better."

I'm not too sure whether or not that's true - it's a pretty full house in the place. And I thought I was early. Turns out I'm late, since well... since everyone I know and more seem to be here already.

"Oh, Remus!" I hear a feminine voice at my ear. Molly is already taking my coat from me. "Good - you're here! I'd like to talk to you."

Well, that's weird. Molly never talks to me unless it either has something with the Order or Harry and the kids. It's usually Arthur who does the talking.

"Oh, and Arthur would like to as well."

So there you go.

"Why?" I asked, looking concerned. "Is it harry? Is he alright? Oh god - it's Ron, isn't it? What did they do?"

I grab Molly by the shoulders, only to have her look frustrated with her brows knitting together.

"No, no. No, that's not it," she flustered, prying my hands from her shoulders. "We just... wanted to have a nice chat. So stay a bit after, won't you?"

Stay a bit after? Hmm, well, I don't have anything better to do anyway.

"Sure," I reply, which makes her smile.

"Well, I'll just leave you here to enjoy the party..." she stalks off, grumbling under her breath about 'fluffy pink hearts'. I'm about to question what she talks about, but I get my answer; some huge fluffy pink heart lands on my head.

Looking up, there are masses of fluffy pink hearts floating around like snow. How is one suppossed to enoy a party when dozens of odd decorations land on you? Yeah, sure, I'll enjoy the party. Once it's over.

Don't be so bitter - it's Bill's engagement party. You are happy for Bill. He has found someone to share the rest of his life with. And in doing so, he decides to let his girlfriend - no, fiancée - throw the most lucrid party I've ever attended. Just when I thought James' sixteenth birthday party was lame enough, this one comes out further. But hey - let's not be bitter. Let's be happy for Bill, because he found someone he loved. Because he's getting married.

And I'm not.

I've found a woman whom I thought could give me such happiness. And then she dumped me. And I've found another woman - well, she found me instead - and then I go and screw it all up. I guess Sirius' other selected nicknames for me, such as 'Screwboy', work well with me in this situation.

God, if everything in the world were fair, I wouldn't be this bitter. Bitter at someone's engagement party because they're getting married and I'm not. Bill's younger than me! I should have gotten married before he did. But like always, one by one, the people surrounding me get hitched and I'm left alone. Even if I do push my potential 'wives' away, it really is only for the better. What every woman wants is a rich, handsome, pompous ass. No one wants a poor bloke who reads extremely fast and turns into something vicious every month.

Well, not exactly no one. One person does. And she's the one I want.

And I, Remus Screwboy Lupin, screwed it all up. Congratulations; you've just nominated yourself as the biggest, boldest dumbass.

I need to find someone to mingle with. But why is it that everywhere I look, all I see is a storm of pink? Maybe I should charm myself... no, maybe -

"So you finally came."

I give a little jump as a low voice is heard inside my ears. It's just Kingsley...

"Yes, I finally came."

"What took you so long?"

"I thought I'd come as 'fashionably late'."

"Would you like to leave fashionably early with me?"

"Just tell me when."

I head off towards the snack table, but he grabs my arms, shoving me back.

"Kingsley, what the hell!"

"Don't go near the snacks."

"Why?"

"Ah, Professor!"

Confused, I turn to my left to find Fred and George, both looking harassed, but having the time of their lives.

"Fred, George," I acknowledged, my eyes moving from one to the other. "You look happy."

"Oh, thrilled!" Said Fred. Or George? Maybe it WAS Fred... or not... I can never tell between them unless they have signs on them. During my time as a teacher, it was a whole lot easier. Handing back their essays was no trouble at all - but that was because they usually got around the same mark. Figures.

"What are you two up to?" asked Kingsley, looking just as suspicious.

They grinned at each other. "Nothing."

"Oh, by the way, I'm Fred," Fred said, rolling his eyes at us. Okay, got that. He's the one on the right. "It amazes me how you still can't tell between us."

"We're totally different," George said, sticking his chest out. "I like green!"

"So do I!" exclaimed Fred, making a surprised face.

"Anyway," I interrupted them, before getting more confused, "Kingsley's just warned me about the snacks. What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing, sir," George replied, looking innocent. Yeah right. I eyed them suspiciosly.

"There's nothing wrong with them," Fred said, looking as innocent as his brother. "Give it a try - it won't hurt to find out."

"I'll pass," I told them, giving the table a glance. "Seriously, what did you do?"

"Nothing!" Fred adopted a look of indignition. "All we did was spice it up a bit."

"With Canary Creams," Kingsley said, holding up a cup. I peer into the cup, which is filled with pink fluid. I've never seen pink juice.

"Okay, so we added in some Canary Creams. But that's all," George said, holding up his hands. "Swear!"

"You put a giggling-drought in the cakes," Kingsley said flatly.

"Fine!" Fred exclaimed, looking agitated. "Just stay away from the snack tables. If you're hungry, look for mum."

"But don't tell her you saw us or anything!" George turned his head wildly around. "We're hiding from her. She's found out about it all."

Before I can answer, the two dash out, leaving me absolutely bewildered.

I look over at Kinglsey, who answers with a shrug. I always liked teaching those two. They remind me of Sirius and James - though not as extreme. I don't think Hogwarts has ever had two students as severe as James and Sirius. When you put those two together, Merlin knows what you'll get as a result. Endless tricks, continuous chatter, infinite laughter.

The two of them were always pulling pranks on everyone. Well, everyone meaning the Slytherins. And Snape. And a few of the people in the other two houses. And sometimes on each other. They've done a few things to me too, like the whole Snape coming to the Shrieking Shack bit. Oh, and the fake love letters that claimed to be from a Hufflepuff named 'Artemis'. But never any tricks on girls. No, because as James always said, "we're gentleman - not hooligans". Their tricks were priceless and genius! Of course, I was always the master planner. They usually played out the plan, making it seem like it was all them. But I got some fun to - without the punishment they endured.

"So when are you going back?" Kingsley asks, taking me out of my reminiscing.

"Day after tomorrow."

"You look excited."

"Overjoyed."

Kingsley gives a small chuckle, shaking his head. "Have you seen everybody you've meant to see?"

I glare at him. "What's that suppossed to mean?"

"You know what it means."

"In a way, yes, I have."

"How'd it go."

"Not good."

I thought she'd be excited to see me, since I've been gone for a month. Boy was I wrong. The look in her eyes when she saw me was like... hate and hurt and so many other negative components. Does this mean she's moved on? Does it mean she hates me? What if she really DOES hate me? I've just had her as a friend again - will fate be so cruel as to take her away from me once more? I know I'm to blame for it, and for last time, but really... she can't hate me. I don't want her to hate me.

"Don't worry - she doesn't hate you. And stop thinking that she hates you. I'm sick of telling you that she doesn't."

I raise an eyebrow. Kingsley is awfully creepy like that, reading peoples' minds.

"And how do you know?"

"She won't hate you. She likes you too much."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Still like her?"

"No." I hide my face, pretending to cough.

And as usual, he doesn't buy it. "Always the worst liar, Remus."

"Thank you. It just goes to show how much of an honest man I am."

"Sure. Says the one who TRIES to lie, but can't."

"Oh, and you can?"

"Of course I can. It's part of my job to lie."

I roll my eyes at him. At least he's got a job. Well, so do I, but it's just spywork. I hate spywork.

"You better get a move on things," he said, looking at me with his brow up. "Before the situation gets out of place."

"Huh?" What's this guy on about?

"Tonks."

"What about her?"

"Better get her before he does."

"Before who does?"

What's he on about? What guy? Is it just me, or does this seem strange?

"That guy." He gives a nod, looking right past me.

I turn around, searching. I can't see anything.

"Seriosuly, Kingsley. What's this about?"

He gives an exaggerated sigh, and points to the corner.

I see her. And she's absolutely stunning. She's in natural form today - the one I like best. Of course, for some reason, her hair is still that horrible brown, but still. She's beatiful.

And then I see it. Or him.

He looks like one of those typical 'GQ' men, with the perfect attributes. Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect clothes. Everthing is perfect.

I spin around, with a shocked expression on my face. As always, Kingsley just shrugs. Like that helps. I return my gaze to them.

She's talking with him. I don't want her talking with him. Look at her, she's smiling. I haven't seen her smile in so long. She's always had the prettiest smile. Hey - she's laughing with him. This isn't good... why is she laughing with him? Oh good god - she's touching his arm! She's touching his arm! Why is she touching his arm! He must have said something funny to her - she only does that when someone's being funny. Oh great. He's flirting with her. He MUST be flirting with her. Why is he flirting? Flirting is scuh a try-hard approach. And she's laughing again, giving him a friendly hit on the shoulder. She's flirting back! She's not suppossed to flirt back! What the hell!

Flirting should be made illegal.

"Who is that guy?" I demand, turning back to Kingsley.

"His name's Eric Morse," he answers indifferently.

Eric Morse. Why does that name ring a bell? Eric Morse... no, he's not a friend of mine... so why would it sound familiar?

"He's here from the Scottish Ministry," Kingsley said, giving me more background information. "He was sent over to help nogotiate the bondings of Scotland and Britain in the Voldemort War."

She's flirting with a foreigner! What IS it with foreign guys, always landing the women!

"He's flirting with her," I said, seething on the spot.

"So?"

"She's flirting back!"

"So...?"

"She's not suppossed to be flirting with anyone!"

"Remus, you can't forbid her from doing anything," Kingsley said, rolling his eyes and shifting his weight. "Besides, why should you care? She's flirted with YOU many times."

"Well, that's different!"

"Why?"

"Because she likes me!"

"Maybe she likes him too. Anyway, you were the one who turned her down. You wanted her to move on. Maybe she's moved on."

"THAT FAST!"

To say the least, I am shocked.

"I don't know," Kingsley answered, seeming a bit annoyed. "But it's okay with this guy."

It's okay with this guy! It's not okay with any guy!... Except me, of course.

"What's this guy have that every other man hasn't?" I asked, throwing them angry glances every other second.

"They know each other. Apparantly, they were 'exclusive' back in the day."

Oh... ohhhh. Alright. I know now. That's why his name rings a bell. She told me about him once. Eric Morse is her old boyfriend.

"Well, she can't be with him," I said flatly crossing my arms.

Kingsley raises an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"She's suppossed to be with me."

"Then go and be with her."

"You know I can't."

"So what do you want from her?"

"I don't know."

"Stop being so selfish, Remus."

I am even more shocked. I, Remus Lupin, am not a selfish person. I was never a selfish person. I always lended a helping hand around the house, I helped the first years find their ways into classes back in school, I did everything for everyone. I corrected Peter's spelling mistakes for him. I helped Lily get back together with James after a fight. I helped Sirius move his things in his new home. I fixed Ron's leg three years ago in the Shrieking Shack. I am not selfish.

"I'm not being selfish," I retorted, glaring at him.

He sighs, shaking his head. "If you really like her, then you want her to be happy. She told you she likes you. And you like her. It's really your fault that it's a whole big obstacle."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Put all the blame on me. Everything's my fault."

"I WILL put the blame on you, because it's your fault."

Is it really my fault?

Okay, FINE. I accept the blame. But honestly - she can't have found someone THAT quick! It's just unnatural. Well, it's just not fair. To me. It hurts me too. She may not know that, but it does.

"Kingsley?"

I turn around, as a new voice joins the group. And there she is, bold as brass, standing right in front of me. Avoiding my eyes. With that idiot tailing behind her.

"Kingsley, Mad-Eye's lookg for you," she said, pointing to her left. "Said it was about... well, I don't know what it's about. He just sort of mumbled and went off."

Kingsley made a weird noise, and shuffled off. Great. Just great. He's gone. And I'm left with these two.

"Hello, Remus," she said, attempting to conversation.

Oh, no. No. I'm not letting her off this easy. "Tonks."

Oh, that feels good. I've never called her 'Tonks'. Although it seems rather harsh, I said it. She gives me an strange look, noticing that I called her by her famous nickname.

"Um, have you met - " she started, but got caught off.

Eric Morse extends his hands to me. "Hi, I'm Eric Morse. I'm with the Scottish Ministry."

"I'm aware," I reply icily, not taking his hand.

There's an awkward silence. I'm usually not okay with awkward silences, but I'll let this one past. He pulls his hand back stiffly.

"So," Eric said, clapping his hands together, smiling strainedly. "How did you get to know Nymphadora?"

"Through Sirius Black," I answered, gritting my teeth together.

"Sirius Black?" he questioned, looking confused. He turns to her. "You know Sirius Black?"

She raises an eyebrow at him. "We were related."

"Were?"

"Were."

He looks back at me. "I met Tonks at school. We were buddies and - "

"Yes, that's nice." I lift my wrist to glimpse at my watch. "I think I'll be going."

"So early?" Nymphadora asked, gripping her cup.

"Well, good bye then - " Eric said, looking a bit relieved, but she cuts him off.

"When are you leaving?"

I know what she means by that. "Day after tomorrow."

She goes silent, her brows knitting together as if in deep thought.

"Tonks?" Eric looks at her critically. "Tonks? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She ignores him and turns back to me. "You're going to come back, right?"

I feel myself lose my tightness. "Of course. In a month."

"Oh... oh. That's good. Just... just be safe, yeah?"

"I will."

"Bye, Remus."

But instead of me walking away, she turns to leave first. Eric lifts an eyebrow at me, and turns to follow her.

Damn him. I hate him already.

And I don't hate that many people.


	8. Discussions, Choking, Respect, Thinking

**a/n:** alas. this chapter is a few days too late, is it not? of course it is.

first off, i'd like to apologize for the lateness. i was still writing it (or typing, whichever you prefer), but my finger broke. yes, my finger. the middle finger of my precious left hand. i'd tell you how, but i'd prefer not to embarass myself on the internet.

now,a fewof you might think that the left hand doesn't do much. but it really does. it was hard to wash myself, hard to type (seriously!) and hard to do pretty much anything. besides, there were many great uses for my middle finger, and since it's broken, i can't do any of them. (aka stick it up)

so it's been hard to type the story, and even harder to reread it and find mistakes. i had many mistakes due to the finger cast. yes - they have finger casts! i never knew that. it's quite amusing, actually. ANYWAY, i finally managed to sort it out, so here's chapter 8!

ANDDDD **thanks to all the reviewers!** you really did make me happy, like this : 8-). i love you guys to pieces!

**_so please do continue to review!_** and don't get too angry if the next chapter takes longer to come. what with my gay finger and a few outings of the month, my time is lmited.

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"Why am I being dragged into this?"

"Because I still hold you responsible for not telling me!"

I don't know why I'm here. I'm suppossed to be leaving early tomorrow morning. And I'm here. Of all places to be.

"But Molly, dear, I'm not really comfortable in these situations - "

"You will sit down, and you will listen. Now sit down and listen!"

I raise my eyebrow as I watch both of them take a seat in front of me. This isn't good. I just know it. No personal talk with the Weasleys is ever good.

"Remus, we'd like to discuss something with you," said Molly, clasping her palms together on the table.

Already, the word 'discuss' sounds bad.

"Don't blame me for anything," Arthur chipped, shrinking back in his chair. For a man as great as Arthur Weasley, he's still a bit weak against his wife.

And his comment did not lighten my mood.

"What's this all about?" I sat straight in my chair, looking at them suspiciously.

Arthur's getting red. This is either going to be a personal talk, an embarassing talk, or something made to disturb me. I don't know. I'm vouching for the talk made to embarass me.

Arthur's eyes dart down to his lap as his wife clears her throat, preparing for the next thing to say.

"Nymphadora."

So, I was right. The talk made to embarass the shit out of me, made to make me feel guilty, and every other bad thing out there.

And, as said; not good.

I've always liked Molly Weasley. From the moment I first met her, seventeen years ago. When Gidgeon and Fabian were still here. She was always the caring type; a young woman who was already seen as a mother. Of course, she was a mother. A mother of five sons, two of them just a year old. She always made you feel secure. Was always there when you needed someone to talk to. You could just go to her if you had a problem - any kind! She'd still acccept you as if you were her own flesh and blood.

Yet, I have never met a woman as powerful as her. Not powerful in the way Minerva McGonagall was, or even Lily Potter. No, powerful in a way that she could control your everyone move, your every decision, your every breath. Powerful enough to have her husband quail under a single look, powerful enough to have a set of hyper-active twins under complete control. And powerful enough to have me sitting here.

Molly was always one to solve problems. This just happened to be a problem I did not intend for her.

But here I am. And here she is.

Oh, and here's Arthur too.

"We're going to talk about Tonks," Molly announced, straightening in her chair.

Her regal attitude always made things worse.

"Why?" I asked, sighing inwardly. I do not want this discussion. Do NOT.

"Because! We're not going to let you sit around and waste your life, Remus. No, we're not. We're going to help you through times like these. We're going to bring you some happiness. We're going to make it happen!"

"I noticed you've used the word _'we're'_ five times," Arthur said, a look of dryness in his eyes. "Why are WE doing this?"

"Because, WE'RE a team," she replied, waving him off. "And we, Remus - we will help you."

Help. I don't need help. I'm a thirty-six year old, middle-aged man. I've been a werewolf for twenty-eight of my precious thirty-six years. I have a job - a horrible job, but a job nonetheless. I have friends. I have a home. I have enough to eat. I have enough money to get by. I do not need help. I already have everything one needs to survive in such a cruel world.

"Remus? Are you listening to us?"

I raise my head slowly, lifting an eyebrow at Molly.

She sees me, thinking my attention has returned. "I know you like her."

"Like who?"

"Don't play games with me, Remus."

"What games?"

"She knows you like Tonks." This remark came from her husband, who was slightly redder in the face.

I narrow my eyes at him. "She knows?"

"Yes," he answered weakly, now slumping into his chair.

Do I sense a rat? I think so.

"How does she know?"

"It's obvious."

It's obvious. I know myself better than most people. I am a subtle person. I am a shadow; a person that anyone hardly notices. How can I make myself obvious if I'm hardly seen?

"You told her, didn't you."

"No..."

"You told her."

"I didn't!"

"Arthur, after me, you're the worst liar."

"But she forced it out of me!"

"I did NOT!" Molly slammed her fist on the table, making her husband jerk back, looking guilt-stricken.

I, on the otherhand, am probably ashen-faced.

"I can't believe you told her," I said, crossing my arms, leaning into the chair.

"Well, it's bound to come out some day," he answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "I mean, afterall. We all know you're pretty close with Tonks."

"Because we're friends?"

"Maybe you want to be more than friends," Molly said, her eyes shining. Why do women always have these weird looks when they're talking about love lives?

"We all know it won't happen," I said coldly, not looking them in the eye. "It's useless. It's pointless. It's - "

"Happening?" Molly chipped in, with a faint smile playing her lips.

It's not happening. Nothing is happening. We've barely said much to each other anyway. Why do people always seem to meddle with MY problems? First it was the whole entire 'you're a werewolf - let's take pity on you' bit, then the 'you look thin - here, take some potatoes with you' thing. And now this.

Am I really that sad that I have to be pitied in every single way? From my financial problems, all the way to my relationships?

"Nothing is happening," I said, heaving a sigh and drumming my fingers on the table.

"What's wrong with it happening?" Molly asked, folding her arms. "Why is it that you won't let yourself be happy?"

"I DO let myself be happy!"

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do! I let myself laugh. That's being happy."

"Nevermind, Remus. Nevermind."

So I won that argument. A smug look spreads across my face, while an angry one litters Molly's. It's true though. I let myself be happy. If laughing isn't happy, then I don't know what is.

"Can I go now?" I asked, tapping my foot impatiently.

But no - Molly Weasley is used to such behaviour as my own. "No, Remus. You can't go now."

"Why not?"

"Because we're not finished."

"Yes we are! We've discussed everything - you know, Arthur knows, Kinglsley knows, I'm a happy camper, and by jove - this is going nowhere!"

"It's going nowhere, because YOU won't let it get anywhere!" She glares at me from across the table, making me shrink back. Okay, so now I know what it feels like to be under the Molly Weasley glare. And it's not the most comforting feeling. I sure feel sorry for Arthur.

Giving a loud exasperated sigh, I slam myself into my chair. This is pointless. I could be doing better things. Like sleeping.

"First off," Molly announced, raising her eyebrow at me, "is that I think you are being a complete idiot."

Giving a grunt, I look around the room, avoiding her gaze.

"And second, she likes you. And now that you like her back, why are you still being so stubborn?"

"I am not stubborn," I mumbled, kicking the leg of the table. Well, it's true. I'm just...self-willed. Yeah, self-willed.

Shut up. I know it's the same.

"So what if I'm stubborn?" I said, looking determined at Molly. "My stubborness with this case is for the best."

"How?"

"Because, if it weren't, then there'd be an awful lot of regret."

Which is very true. Who wouldn't regret starting a relationship with someone such as myself? Society will look down upon Nymphaadora; they'll think she's being stupid and shun her away, just how they do me. She won't get to live up to her usual standards of good finance, a decent home, and satisfying food. She's young - in a few short years, she'll grow tired of me. See? I make good points.

"There won't be any regret. You're being silly, Remus."

"I'm not being silly!"

"Remus, there is a good chance - "

"Don't you people understand! How many times am I suppossed to repeat myself, over and over again! This isn't happening! Nothing is happening! I refuse to le anything happen! I don't care if she likes me, and I don't care if I like her! This whole thing is useless, and this whole conversation is meaningless!"

"Get a hold of - "

"I AM getting a hold of myself! Damn! Can't you see what's happening! We will each go our seperate ways, as we've already started doing so!"

"What does that mean?" Molly asked, with a look of uncertainty.

"She's got someone else to start with." I sighed, running my hand through mylimp hair.

"Who?"

"Is it that Eric Morse?" Arthur asked, bending forwards in my direction.

"Yes," I reply stiffly, not looking either in the eye.

And here lies a shocked silence. Well, Molly's shocked. I don't know much about Arthur.

"He was at the party today, dear," Arthur told his wife, as she still looked a bit confused.

"Which one was he?" she questioned, her brows furrowing.

"Oh, you know. The blonde one, from the Scottish Ministry."

"You mean the handsome one?"

"Yes, that's him."

The handsome one. That's him. The utterly good looking, smart, SCOTTISH Ministry employee, who's here to make me look like the the ugliest, least intelligent, non-Ministry employee out there. I despise men like him. It just shows you how superficial this world is coming to, what with all the good looks and whatnot. And I hate the way they can charm a woman with one smile. I can smile too. How come no one gets dizzy when I smile? Do I have a bad smile? Of course I don't... not that I'm beingboastful about anything, but I don't have a bad looking smile. I mean, it's alright I suppose...

"Well, never you mind about Eric dear - " Molly started, but Arthur cut through her.

"I like that Eric Morse. Nice boy, he is."

We both glare at him but he seems not to notice. In fact, he continues with his praises.

"Can you believe that he is only twenty-six? So accomplished at such a young age! At the top of the Ministry! I mean, how many witches and wizards can say that they are the Senior Representative for the Scottish Defense League? Not many!"

"Arthur - "

"And SUCH a fine fellow, he is! I don't doubt many women swoon over him! At least we know Tonks is on good ground with the guy!"

"Arhutr - "

"Can you imagine what the Ministry would be like if he worked for US! I heard he's great with Defense Against the Dark Arts - or so said Moody."

"Arthur - "

"He should be quite happy, seeing as he's found someone new. Or shall I say, he's rekindled with someone old? I'm just glad he chose Tonks. Or that Tonks chose him."

"ARTHUR!"

By now, my foot is tapping a million beats per second, I'm gnawing at my tongue, with my arms folded so tightly around myself that I could suffocate. Or shall I say, I could suffocate Arthur? One more comment about Morse and I fucking will.

"What, dear?" Arthur asked, oblivious to my anger, and thathe praised for Morse. And that he did it in front of me.Molly gapes at him with astonishment.

"_What?_" she repeats, snapping out of her stare. "We aren't here to compliment Eric - "

"You know, he really is a nice boy. He's got it all - fortune, fame, good looks - everything!"

That's it.

Before I know it, my hands are around Arthur's neck, and there's a restraint feeling around my middle. Hey - I said I'd strangle him if he pissed me off one more time.

"Remus - don't!" Molly cried, trying to pry me away from her husband. For a small woman like Molly, she's exceptionally strong.

"Can't... breathe..." Arthur whimpered, holding onto my hands.

"Remus! You're choking him!" Molly cried again, though with more fear in her voice.

"I know!" I said menacingly, tightening my grip.

"REMUS! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF - NOT MY HUSBAND!"

I suddenly pause as I hit reality again. Though my fingers are still wrapped around the flesh of Arthur, I turn to look at his wife, who now seems to be sporting a look of fear, anger, and threat.

"Please," Arthuradded weakly, his face literally purple.

I quickly let go of the man, feeling pure guilt. "I'm sorry, Arthur! I didn't mean to - "

"I'm sure you didn't," he replied, hacking and rubbing his throat. He gives me a glare.

"Seriously - I'm extremely sorry! I didn't know what made me lose control!"

"It's okay," he said mildly, though not looking at me. "I'm sure we all lose control a few times in our lives."

"Really Arthur - I'm sorry! Are you okay!"

"He's FINE," Molly answered, but with an edgy tone to her. "Are YOU fine, Remus?"

I don't know. Am I fine? Do I really want that stupid Eric Morse with Nymphadora? I saw the look on her face while she was talking to him earlier today. She looked happy - happier than I've seen her for the past few months. I want her to be happy. If being with him makes her happy, then what am I suppossed to do? Not let her be happy? I can't do that. She's going to be happy with Morse. And I will just have to be fine with it. So really, I guess I'm fine...

I nod slowly, unsettling thoughts clouding my brain. Why is it that I think too much? James always told me I think too much. That thinking wasn't good for you. That sometimes, you just had to let your brain go and follow your gut. Of course, he always followed his gut, leading him to a few misfortunate situations involving the Giant Squid. But his gut got Lily to agree on a date with him. It landed him with a girl!Myabe I do think too much.

"Maybe she'll be happy with him." I muttered, playing with my fingers. I look up to see Molly and Arthur glancing at each other.

"Remus, don't be silly - "

"Can you stop telling me that I'm being silly!" I cried in exasperation. "It's getting annoying! I'm NOT being silly!"

"Oh, you sure damn are," Arthur mumbled, sitting higher in his seat.

"Excuse me?" I said, glaring at him. He doesn't back down, but instead, looks me straight in the eye.

"You are sometimes the most difficult person I have ever encountered!" he said loudly, running a hand through his thinning hair. "You refuse to see problems, you deny your feelings, and you're selfish!"

I am NOT selfish!

"You're only thinking about yourself, Remus! You think you're protecting Tonks from yourself, but you're NOT! You're protecting yourself from YOU. She doesn't care about your petty problems. She's let them go! Why can't you!"

I'm not selfish...

"She likes you, okay? She LIKES you! And since you like her too, why can't you be a man and tell her that? Becuase you think you're too old? You're not too old! And she's not a kid herself, Remus. She's as capable as you are, and probably more intelligent!"

He shakes his head and turns to his wife, giving her a shurg. She looks taken aback - Arthur Weasley never yells at anyone. Arthur Weasley never accuses anyone. Arthur Weasley never insults anyone, saying they lack intelligence.

Arthur Weasley has gotten more respectable as of this moment.

"Are you going to do something about it?" he asked suddenly, loking my way.

I look slowly back at him. "I'll think about."

"Well, think fast, because you don't have much time."

"You say that like I'll die anytime soon."

"You just might."

"Arthur, that's not a very comforting thing to say," his wife inputted, wringing her hands nervously.

"Do something before it's too late, Remus," Arthur said gravely, resting his hands on the table. "Who knows? You might just get the greatest thing out of it." He nods at Molly, who blushes crimson. She mutters something that sounds like 'Oh, Arhur...'

With this little exchange, I remembered that Molly and Arthur had gotten married quite unexpectedly. The times were dark, and people had rushed into many things, especially marriage. I remembered how Fabian Prewett didn't much approve of Arthur, or how Arthur's own mother didn't approve of Molly. But look at them now - though Fabian isn't here anymore, he still gave them both his blessing. Mother Weasley eventually accepted Molly and they're now pretty close. And Molly and Arthur - they're so happy. Even if the dark times have returned, they're still together.

Still together. And still happy.

I don't know. I'll think about it - even if I do think too much.


	9. Running Back, Running Away

**a/n:** howdy! i've found a new efficient way of typing with a broken finger. yes yes, it still bothers me, that finger cast _(piss me off)_, but hey - i'll make it work!

an unusually quick update this time. i was already working on it when i posted the previous chapter anyway. it's not as... _humour-filled_ as the previous chapters. but seeing as i did post this story as 'dramatic', i guess it's actually starting to _be_ dramatic. though i promise - there will be lighter moments in it!

so please, continue reading, continue reviewing, and... i don't know.

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"Florean Fortescue! Florean Fortescue!" 

Apparantly, they've arrested Florean fortescue. The nice ice-cream man with the ice-cream stand. And I thought the Ministry couldn't get any worse.

Being back at work is a bit weird lately. People have become more tense. I can feel it. it doesn't feel too great. I mean, how can you feel great if the ice-cream man you've known for all your life, the ice-cream man you visit once a week, the ice-cream man who knows more about you than you would've thought, had gotten arrested? I demand justice! Florean is innocent!

The world is coming to an end. I know it.

Bad luck keeps striking. First off, my confrontation with Remus didn't go as good as I hoped it would be. As of now, he's a complete ass. Why was he being such a jerk? He didn't have to be so stiff around me. Or Eric. Eric didn't do anything to him. Sheesh.

Moody keeps telling to me have constant vigilance. As if the rest of our team has it. Merlin, that old geezer won't shut up! Like, really, I don't mind if you're old, but limp around, pointing a gnarled finger at me telling me to keep alert. Everyone's alert these days. We have to be.

Oh, and then there's Kingsley. Kingsley fucking Shacklebolt. I'd kick him in the wank, but since he's too fucking fast, I can't. I swear, one day, his face is going to freeze into that stupid smirk he keeps wearing. How can that guy possibly be smirking when the whole wizarding race - in England, Britain and the rest of the colonies - are fretting over the darkest wizard known to our kind? I don't know, but Kingsley can do it.

And of course, the very surprising arrestation of Florean Fortescue. The ice-cream man. The ice-cream man I visit once a week. The ice-cream man that I confide in, even though I don't know why. The ice-cream man who knows all of my friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. The ice-cream man who knows me better than my own mother did.

A good thing about having Florean arrested is that finally, FINALLY, everyone has stopped talking about the Stan Shunpike case. God, that was getting on my nerves. Even if he's not released yet, it's a big relief that he's not gossipped about. Not that I'm happy he's stuck in Azkaban or anything...

"Aren't you suppossed to filing?"

I look up, abruptly putting down the Daily Prophet. In front of me stands one of my only friends who entered the Auror department with me. Her name is Leda Jones.

I met Leda in school, and even if we weren't in the same house - she was a Hufflepuff - we're still good friends. We had literally almost every class together, seeing as in my year, the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs had many joint classes. And since she had made up her mind, before I had, to become an Auror, she too, were in my classes for NEWTs. Plus the fact that her mother, Hestia, and my own, Andromeda, were best friends. We saw a lot of each other before school even started. At first, I thought we'd be in the same house, Hufflepuff, but when I got sorted into Gryffindor, I can very much say everyone was surprised. Oh well... we still remained good friends, Leda and I.

Now, in my opinion, Leda is a very lucky girl. First off, her mother gave her a fair name. As both our own mothers were named after Greek Goddesses, they had some weird sort of Greek mythology obsession. Of course, Hestia Jones named her own child, Leda. But my mother, being the extremely foolish, impulsive woman she was, named me Nymphadora. Apparantly, she had a great liking towards Nymphs, as they were suppossed to be 'beautiful tree spirits' or whatever. So she decided to name me after them. I didn't get a good name, like Leda. Or other Greek Goddess names such as Penelope, Demeter, Persephone, Gaia or Europa. No, I got stuck with some twisted version of a tree spirit.

Leda was also oddly good looking. Her mother seemed a bit plain, and her father even plainer, but not she. She was extravegant. She had lovely chestnut hair, big amber eyes, a small dainty nose, and bow shaped lips. In other words, she was perfection in every minute detail. She had almost every boy at school swarming over her. She was popular. She had it all. Like all pretty girls do.

Though we both got admitted into the Auror Academy or whatever, I still held a silent competition against her. I mean, yes, she's my friend, but don't you ever get this weird competitiveness with your friends? Even if they're really close to you, don't you have this elated feeling when you whoop ass? I do. Don't criticize me. I know you do too.

"Hello to you too, Leda," I said flatly, not in the mood for much. The Prophet sure can make a person upset these days. What with all the sad news of arrests, deaths, and missing people. I still can't believe that stupid Ollivander ran off!

"What is it that you do these days, Tonks?" she asked, sitting down on the chair in front of my desk, usually for guests. Well, she's a guest I guess. "You seem to just mope around, or read."

I roll my eyes. "There is nothing much to do these days at the office. I don't want to go arresting innocent people. So I'll just mope around, reading books, thank you very much."

"And they still pay you!"

"Yeah."

"That's outrageous! It's - "

"What is it that YOU do, Leda?"

This question seems to stump her. Frankly, no one seems to be doing much these days. Not even Moody! Of course, I still don't understand why he lurks around here. He's retired!... and yet he still comes back...

"Well, I at least file a bit, which is what YOU are suppossed to be doing," she replied, crossing her legs.

A give a fake mocking laugh. "Give it up, Leda. No one here's doing anything anyway. No point in filing - what're you filing? Old records that the Head probably doesn't know about or had forgotten long before."

"Well, that IS true..."

"Wanna go for a coffee?"

"Sure, why not?"

The good thing about Leda as that she's very persuadable. Like when we were eight, I had talked her into riding her father's new broom. That wasn't the best, since we both sat on the broom, and ended up crashing into her unusually large maple tree. Good thing my mother was a Healer - My skull cracked, and Leda's arm had broken into many pieces. Luckily, her father hadn't broken her into many pieces. He was quite furious.

We were walking out into the muggle streets, looking for our coffee shop, when she started a conversation with me.

"It's pretty funny, how it's so cold here in London. I miss the rain," she said out of no where, as we crossed the street. Autumn was coming to and end and it was getting chilly.

It reminded me of that time Remus and I were sent off into a mission to spy on a muggle man named Cletus Beyer. Moody had a 'feeling' that he was in work with a Death Eater. Even if Moody's suspicions are usually just out of paranoia, we were sent to go after him nonetheless.

'Where are we?' I voiced, pulling the sleeves of my sweater down, and wrapping my scarf tighter. I didn't want to be there.

'In Elmbrooke Avenue,' Remus told me, walking quicker, flapping his arms around.

I had given him a funny look. 'Why are you waving your arms? You look stupid.'

'Well, thank you, Nymphadora. But it keeps me warm.'

'Moving your arms in weird positions keeps you warm?'

'Actually, it's movement of the body. The more your body moves, it produces energy, which introduces heat to it. Since we are warm-blooded, we depend on our own body to generate heat. And to generate the heat, we must be active. And if making myself look like a complete lunatic gives me warmth, then screw it, I'll be a lunatic.'

He was like a human encyclopedia. He knew everything. He even knew how muggle things worked, like electricity. I'm a half-blood, and even I don't fully know how electricity works.

'If you insist on making yourself completely loser-like, then be my guest,' I had said, my voice muffled from the wind. 'I'll just walk beside you - of course, not too closely incase people think we know each other - and freeze my butt off. Of course, I'll preseve my dignity by not flailing my arms in every direction possible.'

With this comment, he had laughed quite hardly. I had never seen him laugh at a comment like my own - I mean, it wasn't that funny. He turned towards me, now jumping up and down. I raised my eyebrow at him, which made him jump closer to me.

'Come on, Nymphadora!' he exclaimed, and grabbed my hands with his semi-warm ones. 'It's fucking freezing, we're in a deserted street, and no one knows us! We might as well act like maniacs! Jump with me!'

He was so out of character that day. It was one of those rare - and I mean rare - times that he let loose and let himself go. One of those times where he let his guard down and became the world's most silliest, outrageous men. One of those times that he was truly being himself. Or as Sirius told me, being a genuine Marauder.

He held my hands tightly in his and started to wave and shake them everywhere. His jumping had made me jump. We jumped and waved together.

And out of nowhere, he had done the most spontaneous things I have ever seen him - or anyone - do. Ever.

He took off his trench coat, his hat, and his scarf. He then gave a howl - one that mimicked a wolf - and sprinted off to the end of the road. He ran, flailing his arms everywhere. His usally neatly combed hair flew around the air. His thin sweater rippled with him, like a pebble dropped into a pond. His running made me laugh - it was a bit like a chicken, a wolf, a tiger - it was strange. Yet so phenomenal.

'HEY!' he yelled, and I had looked up from my laughing. He was at the other end of the road, looking windswept and breathless. Absolutely gorgeous. 'HEEEEEY!'

'WHAT?' I called back, the heat from my previous jumping had simmered.

'AREN'T YOU COMING!'

'YEAH!'

I started walking once more in my stiff manner, watching my feet incase I would suddenly trip. I had collected his garments he had unceremoniously threw to the floor.

"RUN!' he cried, waving his arms and jumping from the spot. 'RUN!'

'I CAN'T!' I cried back, a pink tinge creeping up on my face.

'YOU CAN!'

'NO, I CAN'T!'

'WHY NOT!'

'WHAT IF I FALL?'

His jumping and waving had stopped. It made me stop. From that distance, we had just stared at each other. For how long, I did not know.

And once more, he ran. Ran back to me. Ran in that same crazy, chicken-wolf-tiger-like, strange, phenomenal way. Back to me.

'Run!' he saids, his face now completely pink with heat. 'Run!'

'Oh, Remus, you know how cumsly I am - !'

'Who cares! No one's here but us! Just run!'

'Remus, I - '

But I had never got the chance to tell him exactly what I was. He snatched my hand, and yanked me with him. And he started to run. And so had I. He soon let go of my hand. And again, he ran in his child-like way. And I ran with him.

Soon, we were both breathless, standing at the end of the road, panting. I was actually sweating. A moment ago, I had been frost-bitten. But I was sweating!

'See?' he said, after taking a gulp of air. 'See? I told you movement of the body generates heat, making you warm!'

All I could do was nod. I was busy watching him. Watching him breathe. His face had an elated look upon it. As if something inside of him had been unleashed.

Our assignment was completely forgotten that day. We spent the rest of it on that same street, running, whooping, jumping, flailing like neurotic psychos. Even if Moody gave us a lecture, even if Snape had taunted us, saying we were irresponsible, even if Dumbledore himself gave us a stern talking (despite the fact the he had a shadow of a smile and his eyes were sparkling), we had fun. I had fun. He had fun. It didn't matter what the others thought. They didn't know what really happened. The didn't know about the crazed running and the euphoric feeling.

I just wish that he'd come running back to me once more.

"Tonks? Are you listening?"

I snap back to reality as a familiar voice enters my thoughts. Oh right. Coffee, with Leda. And alas - the coffee shop!

"Tonks?"

"Yeah?"

"I was saying, it's quite a surprise that Eric's back."

Oh. Right. I had totally forgotten about Eric. Which is odd since I was suppossed to forget about Remus. And here I am, reliving another memory of him.

"Eric's back," Lead repeated, as we sat down opposite of each other.

I look up at her to see her giving me her 'what's up with you' face. I shrug her off.

"I know Eric's back. How do you?" I asked. I didn't know others knew he came.

"It was big news. I heard a week ago. I just didn't know it was him."

"You knew a week ago?"

"Yeah...?"

"How! I didn't!"

"Well, unlike YOU, dear girl, I pay attention. I don't daydream, like how you just did to me! And when I'm asked to file, I file!"

"What does filing have to do with knowing about Eric?"

"Nothing. I was just trying to make a point."

"Which was...?"

"That you never pay attention."

"I'm paying attention right now."

"Well, you should pay more attention. To me, especially, as I get all the office scoop."

She was always like that. She had always craved attention, since day one. And boy did she get it. She's an only child. And her parents, seeing as they were plain looking, were astonished that their daughter turned out to be a beauty, spoiled her even more. Luckily, it didn't get too far into her head. She really is a great person. We all have our defects.

"Anyway," she said, shaking off our previous semi-argument. "Epona Garland told me."

Of course. Epona Garland, the Auror flooor gossip. She once spread a rumour that I was an illegal animagus. which is absurd as I can only alter my image. But whatever - she's dumb anyway.

"Did you see him?" I asked, trying to sound light. But Leda wasn't fooled. Leda is never fooled. Leda has a strange unnerving gift of detecting lies, emotions and suspects.

"Yeah, I did," she announced. "Two blacks please" - she told the waiter as he came to our table, and then left afterwards - "Anyway, I only saw him briefly."

"Briefly?"

"Yup. Only enough time to exchange a greeting, a summary of our lives, and a salutation."

Interesting. What always confused me was the relationship between Eric Morse and Leda Jones. Being two of Hogwarts' most popular students at the time, they were both extremely smart, beautiful and nice. Everyone thought they'd be a couple. And yet they did not.

Although they were friends, as they - along with me and other fellow classmates - had the same classes, their relationship was completely platonic. Eric took a shine to me, while Leda was... alone. Or so we assumed she was. Apparantly, her father - and old-fashioned man who lived by old-fashioned customs - had gotten her into an arranged marriage. I had found out after we left school that she was engaged. She had only met the man once. I don't know if her engagement is still on though.

"He asked about you," she said, taking a sip at our newly arrived coffee.

"He did?" I questioned, quirking an eyebrow. That was unexpected.

"Mmhm! I didn't know where you were! He came in two days ago at around two. I think you were off visiting Arthur Weasley."

Quite right. My usual time for visiting Arthur is from two to three. "What did you tell him?"

"I just said you went out for a break. He looked most displeased when I told him. But I said not to worry - I mean, he'll be coming back for a few more rounds, being as half his crew is being stationed with us."

Ah yes. That's right. He did say some of his own Aurors were going to be with us. And that we'd see each other.

"Aren't you excited?" she asked, looking mildly surprised at me.

"Sure, why not?"

"You don't look too excited."

"I am."

"You're not. I know you."

That's the trouble with having childhood friends. You can never hide anything from them. I'm not good at Occlumens. How am I suppossed to hide my feelings?

"Who is it?"

I look up at her - her face is all interested, suspicious and curious. Great.

"What?" Maybe stalling will keep her out of it.

"The guy."

"What guy?"

"Tonks."

"Jones."

"Seriously."

How can I tell her? But then again, how could I not? She's one of my closest friends. Her own mother is in the Order. If I tell her, she'd ask Hestia. And Hestia would tell her all about him. And then she'd get all judgemental. Leda Jones is a very judgemental person.

"I promise I won't tell no one," she offered, stinking out her pinky finger.

"I can't."

She looked awfully put out about this comment. Like as if she'd been hit in the head by a boulder. But in a way, she has, since I refused to tell her twice.

"Come on, Tonks. It's me, Leda Jones, the girl you've known since birth."

"And it is I, Nymphadora Tonks, the girl you've known since my being conceived."

"Who is this mystery man that has gotten you all hung up, that you're not even worked up about your ex-boyfriend - whom I might add, that you spent three months confined in your bedroom crying when he broke up with you - coming back into town and seeking you?"

I can't tell her.

"Tonks?"

I want to tell her. But what if she starts saying all these rational things? Once she's on a roll, the woman does not stop.

"Really, Tonks."

I can't tell her. She'll be mean about it. She'll -

"It's Remus Lupin."

Well, that was uncalled for. I didn't even notice his name slipped out. Good going, self. This is why no one ever trusts you with secrets. Well, not no one. Just the majority of the public.

"Remus Lupin," she repeated, more to herself than to me. "That's a strange name, don't you think?"

"What, and ours are normal?"

"Well, I'm just saying! Besides, MINE is normal. You can speak for yourself."

"Gee, thanks. You're one supportive friend."

"Is he Spanish? Lupin sounds Spanish."

Now that I think about it, Lupin does sound Spanish. And he did tell me once - though very briefly - about his origins.

"He's part Spanish," I answered, taking a sip at my coffee. "I mean, he does have the traits I guess."

Leda's face perks up. She likes foreign men. Thinks they're 'sexy'. "So what are these traits?"

"His hair's dark."

"Well, so's mine. And yours too, come to think of it."

"Well, his skin's a bit darker."

"So's mine."

"I don't know! You just have to meet him then."

With this, she looks even more intrigued.I shouldn't have said that. Now she'll want to meet him."So he's part Spanish, you say?"

"Yeah... somewhere on his father's side. Besides, he told me once he can speak it."

She smiles a devilish type of smile. One that makes me roll my eyes in disgust.

"Has he ever said anything to you in Spanish?"

"No..."

"How old is he?"

I don't want to answer this question. She'll start judging. I just know it. She'll start talking so much she won't shut up. And she'll keep pestering me about the whole entire thing until I either hex her into oblivion or that I drop my whole fascination with Remus.

I mumble something under my breath that is almost inaudible, and hide myself behind my cup.

But she's always curious. "How old is he?"

"Thirty-six."

There is silence. I glance at her. She's staring at me with her mouth halfway open.

"Thirty-six," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Thiry-six."

"What's wrong with thirty-six?" I asked defensively. There's nothing wrong with him being thirty-six.

"Nothing... it's just that... Tonks, it's ten years!"

And here starts the train of judements.

"He's ten years older than you, Tonks! Don't you find that weird?"

"No, not really..."

"What does he do?"

"I can't tell you."

"Tonks."

"He's part of the Order. He's doing things for the Order."

"You mean my mum knows him?"

Oh shit. I shouldn't have said that. Now she'll go interrogate her mother about him. Just dandy.

"I'm going to go ask mum what she knows about him."

"Leda, I don't think - "

"Tonks, you're my friend. I've known you all my life. I'm not going to let you throw yourself into something stupid. After what happened with Eric, seeing how you starved yourself and did nothing but cry, I don't want you going through it all again."

"Yet you want me to get back with Eric."

"Well, you guys were a perfect match."

"Don't be stupid. You know we weren't."

"Make it work."

How am I suppossed to make it work? The man had tore me. He had shattered me into pieces. He left me hanging in limbo. And while I waited, he took the advantage and met someone new.

And yet, I want to make it work. Remus refused to make it work. He didn't want anything. Eric wants something. Besides, I'm not even suppossed to be thinking about Remus anyway. Whatever happened to my resolution of new beginings? I should start now.

"I guess I could give it another try,"I said reluctantly, squirming as I did so.

Leda smiles at me. "Don't worry. He won't hrut you this time. He truly misses you."

"How do you know?"

"I can tell."

Yes, that's right. Leda has an unsual gift for detecting feelings.

I don't know anymore. I'm not sure about Eric. Will he really not hurt me this time? And I'm not sure about Remus. Does he really want nothing to do with me?

I hope Leda doesn't detect this particular feeling of mine.

And I hope she'll keep her judegemental comments to herself.


	10. Tis the Season to be Jolly

**a/n:** well... four days confined in one's house creates boredom. and in boredom, you finish whatever it is you were suppossed to do. and so i finished this chapter. my finger is almost healed (gasp!) and the finger cast is off. im going to miss that finger cast. hahahaha...

i've decided to finally give in to a longer tonks and remus confrontation. so here it is, my longest chapter yet. hope you like it.

**review**, if you please. 8-)

* * *

Tis the season to be jolly. Or so goes the saying.

Everthing's gone by pretty fast. Even if it did seem to take forever for each day to pass, I still can't believe it's just a week to Christmas.

Christmas. The season to be jolly. The season of family, friends, gatherings, and every other piece of happy out there.

Christmas is too overrated.

So apparantly, Leda has changed her thoughts on the wonderful 'Remus is thirty-six years old' situation. Like I predicted, she had gone ahead to question her mother about him. In fact, she even met him in person. Of course, I wasn't there. I wanted to... save myself from embarassment. She met him. A couple of weeks ago, when he came back for his monthly report. I, on the otherhand, was positioned at Hogsmeaded.

Prior to those couple of weeks, I had finally met up again with Eric Morse. We went out for a cup of coffee. We talked. About this and that. You know... the regular stuff. The exchanging of the 'how are you?' 'Fine thank you' 'Hows the work?' 'Family doing okay?' bullshit.

He had told me a few reasons why. Why he left me.

And I must say, I did not agree with the majority of them.

He told me I was too bossy. As if I'm bossy. If I do recall, it was him who was the bossy one. Me - bossy! Impossible. I didn't go around telling him what and what not to wear. I didn't tell him what job to choose. I didn't tell him to stay here instead of going to Scotland. Seriously, I didn't. I mean, it's his choice where he wants to work, isn't it? Even if I did inwardly disagree with him moving to Scotland,I couldn't control the guy.

He had said I was immature. Okay, FINE. I know I may be a bit foolish - I inherited that from my mother. And a bit from Sirius. Besides, we all need a few laughs in our lives. I do remember him being a bit dull sometimes. But nevermind that. I am not immature. I am a fully grown adult. I am cool calm, and occasionally collected. Immature my ass.

And he said we were too young. Boulderdash. No one is ever too young for love. I don't get it! I mean, he's what - three quarters muggle. Hasn't he ever seen those stupid black and white candid shots of those six year old kids, kissing each other? You know, the ones where the boy is always handing the girl a lower while the girl pecks him on the cheek? It still confuses me as to why muggles make their kids do that, but whatever. Those kids - they're literally babies! And look at them posing as lovers. No, there is no such thing as 'too young for love'. But for him, there is. He said his heart wasn't truly in it.

I remember his parting words to me; it was the night before he left. He had come over to my house to break it off. He knocked on my door and invited himself in, plopping harshly down on the couch. It was actually around Christmas time.

'Hey Eric,' I had greeted, trying to put on a cheery face. It was Christmas afterall. I had to look happy. Even if we were on the rocks for a while.

'Tonks, we need to talk.' That was all he had said for a period of time. I just sat there at my new flat I had purchased since selling my parent's house.

The word 'talk' can give off many impressions. It can make you feel sad, happy, excited, curious, contemplative, or dreading. In this case, I wasn't sure of how to feel. In a way, I felt sad, knowing what he was going to talk about. Relief, knowing that I didn't have to be the one to bring it up. Anger in why he had to do it now, of all times. It was a jumble of thoughts.

'You're like my best friend,' he said suddenly, looking up, as his face had been burried in his hands.

I took a seat beside him, but not too near. I was already feeling dtistant towards him. He continued.

'I don't want to lose you.'

I never fully understood the meaning of the line 'I don't want to lose you'. People always say that. And eventually, it is usually the person who says it who does the whole cutting off of the person the line had been said too. Besides, why would he lose me? He too, was like my best friend.

'I know what you're going to say,' I told him, before he could actually say those words. I didn't want to hear them. I didn't want to feel the pain. I didn't want to be numb.

'Tonks, I - '

'Why?'

The word 'why' sounds so simple. But can it ever be that simple? No on usually knows how to answer the questtion of 'why' when it is asked in the form I had done so. Instead of explaining why, they'll say rubbish. Like this:

'Because, we're just not there yet.'

Not there yet. You hear that? Not there yet. What the fuck did that even mean? How the heck should I know? Afterall,I'm not there yet.

'Is that all?' I asked him, a bit stung by his words. He nodded. So that was all.

The reason why he broke it was because we hadn't been there yet. And I still don't know what it means.

But we've talked since then. We've sorted everything out. He finally explained his reasons. He even laughed a bit when I told him he had said 'we weren't there yet'. And when I asked him what he meant by that, even he didn't know what it meant.

I missed Eric. Just thinking about those seven years we had together during Hogwarts is enough to make me want to go back to him. He always understood me. He always helped me. He never refused to see anything. He never pushed me away. Unlike a certain somebody, he was honest about his feelings. Honest about himself.

But like I stated before; Remus is a done deal. He doesn't want anything to do with me. And I don't know why. I never did anything to him... or so I don't think I did.

"Hey Tonks! Kingsley's back!"

Great. Kingsley's back. Just what I need - more disgusting smirks and unwanted hints about certain subjects.

"Yes, that's great."

I don't know why Leda gets so excited when Kingsley's back. Oh wait, that's right. With Kingsley here, she doesn't have to do as much. And with Kingsley here, she isn't in charge anymore. It's weird - I always thought people liked being in charge. I mean, I'd love to be in charge. But seeing as half the staff thinks I'm a clumsy dork, I don't get the satisfaction of ordering people around.

"Did you know that he and Remus are friends?" she asked, sitting down in front of me. Ever since she met him, she's seen a whole new light in Remus.

"Yes, in fact, I did."

"Best mates, am I right?"

"Right you are."

She gives a sigh and looks into space. I don't want to know what she's thinkning. But I doknow what she's thinking. I know what she thinks about Remus. I know she thinks he's hot. I know how her mind works.

"I can't believe he looks so young! He's so handsome!"

Now that's an odd comment. Remus has grey in his hair. Remus has wrinkles. Remus always has bags under his eyes. To sum it all up, Remus does not look young. Handsome, yes, I agree, but not young.

"He's so nice too!"

Yes, he is nice. Sometimes, he's too nice. I still don't know why he's nice to Snape. All Snape ever does to him is sneer. Or make unfriendlycomments. But then again, that's all Snape ever seems to do. To everybody.

"I asked him to say something in Spanish, and he really did!"

"What did he say?"

"How should I know? I'm not Spanish. But it was so romantic!"

I don't know how she got to thinking it was romantic when she doesn't even know what he said. But whatever - knowing Remus, it was probably a compliment anyway.

"You are so lucky you found him first, Tonks," she said, leaning over my table and giving me a serious face. "If you hadn't, I'd probably be there in his house right now!"

"Yeah, well, I did find him first, so too bad," I replied, feeling a bit possessive. "But weren't you the one who said I should be giving Eric another go?"

"Eric! Who's - oh yeahhh..."

I shake my head incredilously at her. I don't know how she can forget about Eric.

"Well, since you're going off with Eric, can I have - "

"I thought you didn't like older men."

"He's not that much older. It's just ten years..."

"Says the one who kept going on about how thirty-six is a big age difference."

"That's before I met him! He's such a wonderful man."

"That he is."

"So can I have - "

"No, Remus is off limits, thank you very much."

She looks at me with this hurt face. Well, I'm not letting her have him, no matter how good of a friend she is to me. I'll just... have him there, single and whatnot. Just incase.

"You're no fun, Tonks! Why not?"

"Because he's mine."

Well, he is. He just doesn't know it yet.

"You're not together though! I asked him."

I always did hate the way she snooped into other peoples' business. Namely mine.

"We will be."

"You're suppossed to be with Eric!"

"I don't know!"

"Oh fine... I know he likes you anyway."

"Excuse me - "

"... so we followed him into Sniteskeet Lane..."

That was odd. That voice sounds very familiar... no. It can't be. It's not the end of the month yet. Besides, the full moon was just four days ago. I feel Leda's hands grab mine as we both are suddenly silent, listening - or eavesdropping - in on the conversation.

"... disappeared and we lost track..."

This is weird. Really weird. What is he doing here? I thought he had another week to go!

"Then what?"

Oh, there's a new voice. That one is suppossed to be here. Not exactly HERE on this floor though.

"I dunno... just came here to report to you."

"Does Kingsley know?"

"He will, once I tell him."

Why am I ducking behind my cubicle? No one can see my head anyway. And why is Leda ducking with me?

"He's here!" Leda whispered, looking excited and nervous at the same time.

"Why are we whispering?" I hissed back, confused.

She ignores my comment, standing up. Straightening her clothes, she gives herself a once-over and smiles, waving at me.

She steps out of my cubicle bravely. "Hello, Remus! What a suprise to see you!"

"Oh - my - god..." I muttered, groaning as I did so. I can't believe she just did that. She is such a booger.

"Oh, uh... hello, Leda, is it?" he asked, a bit nervous and taken aback.

"Yes, it is!"

"Well, then, it's a pleasure to see you again, Leda."

Maybe I should get out there too, and say hello. I mean, a hello can't hurt or anything.

"Leda, shouldn't you be working?" said a deep, slow voice. Oh great. Kingsley's there. Maybe a hello can hurt.

"Contant vigilance, lass! And you're here, hiding around!" came a gruff voice. Okay, so now Moody's joined the queue. Wait a tick - how did he know she was hiding? It's his stupid eye. Damn that eye! Wait! He can't know I'm here.Unless he can see me right now...

Might as well show myself before he makes me look like an ass.

I walk out of my cubicle stiffly, to find a small crowd of people consisting of Kingsley, Moody, Arthur, Remus and Leda. And now, myself.

"Tonks," Kingsley acknowledged, giving me a nod.

"Kingsley," I greet back, inclining my head. Since when was Kingsley so... so...I don't know. His usual greeting is to sneak up behind me with a cheeky remarkalready planned out.

"Constant vigilance!" barked May-Eye, wagging his stupid finger at me. Dumb old nag.

"Oh, give it up, Mad-Eye! We're all alert," Arthur said, sounding a bit annoyed. He smile at me.

"Hello Nymphadora," Remus said quietly. I glance up at him to see a small smile on his face.

"How've you been?" I asked him, shuffling my feet on the floor.

"There have been... better days."

"Back this soon, huh."

"Well, I figured since it's near Christmas, why not take an early break on things?"

"Anyway," Moody said, breaking into the conversation. "We were just discussing about things, before you two decided to show up."

"Gosh, Mr. Moody," Leda scoffed, rolling her eyes at him. "No need to get all touchy."

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking at the four men infront of me. They seem uneasy. As if something bad's gone.

Kingsley shot a look at Leda. She wasn't part of the Order. Even if her mother is, for some reason, they don't trust her with their information.

Seeing Kingsley's glance, Leda rolls her eyes and scoffs,and starts to stalk off before Remus called her back.

"Come back, Leda. We're not telling you to go away or anything."

With this comment, her face lights up. Ah yes, of course. Anything Remus says will make her day. Mad-Eye still looked at her warily. He is so paranoid.

"What's wrong?" I asked again, bringing them back to situation.

"They're suspecting Dung."

... Now that's new.

No need to ask who 'they' are. The Ministry is really starting to piss me off to the moon. I mean, sure, I know Mundungus is a crook. But he's not THAT bad. Besides, he's good - he's on our side. He wont do anything too rational...

"We're trying to hide him," Arthur told me, but he seemed nervous. "We don't trust him fully."

"What do you mean you dont trust him fully?" I asked, my eyes narrowing at him.

"Well, you know Dung. When he's threatened, he'll do just about anything to get himself off the hook."

"What do you mean by 'anything'?"

"He might tell the Ministry about us. About our plans. Our inside information."

"No he won't - he's not that stupid - "

"I refuse to shield him." This comment came from Remus, who suddenly had a hard face on. His arms were crossed and he seemed to be chewing on his tongue.

"Why - " I questioned, but he cut me off.

"He's been stealing from Grimmauld place."

Dung has been stealing? From Grimmauld palce? From the Ancient House of Black! From SIRIUS! From Harry! I mean, even if I have no other connections with the Black family, I'm still part of it too! That means he's been stealing off me and my mother as well! That's why Remus is so hard on him. Because he's taking what's left from Sirius. I wonder if Dumbledore knows about this.

That little fucker...

"Exactly," Remus said, looking at me with satisfaction. "You know what I mean."

"Remus, he's still part of the Order,"Arthur told him, trying to sound as if it were just a small problem. Stealing is not a small problem. Especially when the stealing is done to a person who is no longer with us. A person who treated him like a friend.

"No, I won't have anything to do with him," Remus stated, looking away from us. "He stole from Harry! From SIRIUS!"

"Remus, we know - "

"Then why are you still hiding him!"

"Because we risk too much if we don't!" Kinglsey cried harshly, looking at Remus with an exasperated expression. "Can you get anyn louder!"

Knowing he was fighting a losing battle, Remus grunted. Well, I'm with him on this one. He's stealing from the Ancient House of Black! Does Harry know?

"The Ministry are on his tail," Arthur continued, as if nothing happened. "We predict he'll be caught very soon."

"Let him, he deserves it," I muttered, more to myself. But everyone heard.

"Thank you!" Remus exclaimed, gesturing at me. "See! She agrees with me!"

"Will you two just can it!" Moody cried, waving his cane everywhere. "We're not risking anything. If it means keeping Fletcher safe, then we'll do it - even if he did do a bad deed. We're not letting the Ministry know anything."

"Funny, since we work for the Ministry," Leda said dryly, twirling a strand of her hair with her finger. "So if you guys don't want the Ministry to know,if you're all for going against thethem,why are you still working here?"

"For pay, for more information, and for recruiting," Kingsley answered.

"Ahhh..."

"So we just came in here to inform you on it," Remus said, uncrossing his arms, his previous anger seeming to simmer.

"I should get going," Arthur said, checking his watch. "I'm due at Diagon Alley in ten minutes. I hate going out there and arresting people at this time. Not only is it Christmas, but it's freezing!"

He dashed off before any of us could bid him farewell. I'm so happy that he got a promotion. Not only is he the most deserving person, but he seems to enjoy telling people off. He doesn't get much opportunity to yell at someone, since Molly's the one doing all the yelling. I just wonder if he has any connections with that Percy son they have.

"Staying for the holidays, then, Lupin?" Mad-Eye asked, his magical eyes swivvelling towards Remus. Leda - as usual - makes a gagging sound. Moody looked around at her with the same eye, and she grins at him.

"Of course. I mean, it's Christmas," he shrugged, tucking hid wand inside his robes. "I don't exactly feel jolly down in the underground anyhow."

"Where are you going?" Kingsley asked, glancing at me. I roll my eyes.

Remus didn't catch the exchange. "Molly's invited me over. I don't want her thinking I'm being rude by not showing up, so I guess it'll be at the Burrow."

"What about you, Tonks?" Kingsley asked, smirking again. Luckily, he wasn't facing Remus while he did this. Moody too, adapteda small smirk.

"I don't know," I answered uncomfortably. "Probably go give my dad a visitat his grave. And then a trip to St. Mungo's for my mum..."

"Well, that's very sweet of you," Moody said gruffly, then turned his head towards Kinglsey. "Come on, Shacklebolt. Got somethin' to discuss with you. And you too, Miss Jones. You two have been quite careless this past month..."

Kingsley and Leda exchange bewildered looks. Kingsley even made a rude hand gesture at Mady-Eye, who, of course, saw it.

"Wanna keep that finger, Shacklebolt?"

Kingsley gives a sigh as he and Leda disappear into Kingsley's office with Mad-Eye, leaving behind myself and Remus.

"You've gotten thinner," I said, looking at him. He looks paler too.

He winces at my comment. "You've gotten... well, your hair's still... brown."

That's true. My hair, as dull as it had ever been, has not been changeable. I hate it.

"Suits you," he said, smiling at me.

"No it doesn't!" I exclaimed, hitting him softly on the arm.

"You could always result to using that stuff muggles use. Hair dye, they call it."

"Yeah, well, I'm not as pathetic as to use hair dye that probably will fade after a few washings."

"I've missed you, Nymphadora."

He missed me! I never knew that... Well, now I do. And it's a good feeling.

"Of course you missed me," I said, placing a hand on my chest. "I'm a very missable person."

"One of the most I've ever met."

"Well, I've missed you too, Remus."

"Really? I didn't know I was missable."

"Well, to me you are."

Oh wow. Can this conversation get any cheesier? Not that I'm not enjoying the cheesiness going on. I mean, I'm quite flustered about this.

"So, how's life at the Ministry? You always seem to have interesting stories," he said, looking at me expectedly.

At least it's starting to be like old times again. Easy conversations.

"It's been stupid," I told him, leading him back to my cubicle. He sits down on my guest chair. This is why people should have guest chairs.

"Stupid?"

"Oh, you know. Getting the wrong people, gossip on Stan Shunpike - oh wait - it's Florean now..."

"Can you believe they got Florean? Just when I thought you Ministry folk could get no thicker."

"Hey!" I cried, though smiling. "I'm not stupid! I just get them to pay me while I do nothing."

"Alright, fine. Just when I thought the Ministry - minus yourself - could get no thicker."

"That's better. Anyway, it's literally pointless being here. All I do is sit around, read, have nice littleconversations hereand there- such as this one - and I don't know... that's basically it."

"And you're getting paid?" He asked me, with a shocked face.

"Keep your panties on; we don't get paid that great any more. They're using up all the money to get useless things off Frend and George."

"Meaning... ?"

"Oh, thos stupid hats they have. The ones that block hexes and stuff."

"Wait a bit - buying off Fred and George! Rubbish."

"I know, what is the world coming too? I asked myself that just this morning."

There's a small comfortable silence as we both look at the other. I always liked talking to Remus. Well, I've always liked being around him. Even when there are silent moments, they're the comfortable kind.

"How have you been?" I asked him, nowhanding him a cup of tea I had summoned.

He paused for a bit. "It's been difficult."

"What does that mean?"

"The werevolves down under... they're still being manipulated."

"Manipulate them back!"

"I can't. They're terrified of - "

"Tonks! I was just looking for you!"

Both our heads whip up to see Eric standing there. He then looked at Remus, noticing him for the first time.

"Oh gosh, sorry, I didn't know - " Eric started to explain, but Remus had stood up.

"It's alright," he said quietly. "Really. I should be going anyway."

He made for the exit of my cubicle but I had called him back.

"Wait!"

"Yes?" he asked, turning around.

Okay, I don't know why I did that. I have nothing to say right now. Or, now that Eric's here. ButI just really,reallywant him to stay...

"Stay a while won't you?" I said, looking at him pleadingly.

"I need to go. I have to report back to Dumbledore."

"But - "

"It's been a pleasure talking to you, Nymphadora. How long it's been."

And with that he leaves without looking back. Without saying a goodbye. Without anything.

"Tonks?"

Eric sits down in the seat that had formerly been Remus'. I look up at him, a bit annoyed.

"What, Eric?"

He sensed the tone in my voice. "I'm sorry - is this a bad time?"

"Well, he's gone anyway. Did you want something?"

"I was just going to ask you; what are you doing for Christmas?"

"I don't know. Nothing."

"Going to anyone's palce or anything?"

"Nothing means nothing. So no."

"Oh... right..." he faltered, looking down.

I feel a pang of guilt for addressing him in such a cold manner. "What's up?" I asked, trying to sound more cheerful.

He took this as a good sign, which it was suppossed to be. "I was justing wondering... would you like to spend Christmas with me?"

Well, I can honstely say that this was surprising. I really had nothing planned for Christmas except to give my parents a visit.

"I dont know, Eric..."

"Please, Tonks? My family's off on vacation, and since we both have nothing to do, why not just do nothing together?"

He always said that. Every year during Christmas time back when we were in school, we'd always spend Christmas together. My father was already gone, my mother was always busy. His parents - rich as royalty - were always away on vacation. He never chose to go with them. He said it was pointless, seeing as they always went to places he wasn't interested in.

"I'll need to get back to you on that."

"Oh... right. Well, that's all I came here to say. I'm expected at a meeting in five minutes with the Minister. I'll get going..."

"Yeah... see you."

He's gone. Good. Now I can wallow in whatever emotion I'm feeling. I don't know if I should go spend Christmas with Eric. I don't know exactly what I want to happen with Eric. I want Remus back. I want him sitting here in that chair, talking like a few minutes ago. I want him back. I want things back to when they were good.

That conversation we just had together. Look how great the atmosphere between us was. Look at how easy it was to talk to him! Why is it that people just have to disturb things? Why is it that people have to 'accidentally bump in'? Why is it that it had to be Eric? If it were someone else, I doubt it that he'd leave. Not that I'm mad at Eric or anything... It's just that - I don't know! I want Remus back, and I want him back now.

"So what happened?"

Why is it that I always seem to be interrupted when I'm deep in thought! Merlin it's pissing me off!

"What?" I asked, looking up to see my inquirer. Of course - it's Leda. And behind her, that Epona Garland. As if this day couldn't get any worse.

"Whats happened?" she asked again, sitting down in the chair. That chair sure has been busy today.

"Nothing," I mumbled, darting furtive looks at Epona. I don't want that woman in here. She doesn't need to know nothing. She'll go and spread it every where. It's bad enough that Mad-Eye, Kingsley, Arthur and Leda know. I don't want anyone elseknowing.

"Go away, Epona," Leda demanded, pointing towards the exit. "You're not suppossed to be here anyhow."

Epona gives her cut-eye as she stalks away.

"And don' think about using hearing charms or those Extendable Ears, Epona!" Leda called out. "I know a good hex to start you off with if you do!"

"Thanks," I said, picking myself up from the table. I need some thinking time.

"Anyway, what's going on? I saw Remus walk out by himself," she said, resting her arms on the table. "He walked pretty slow. Like he was deep in thought."

"Eric came in."

"Oh..."

"And then Remus left."

"Ahhh."

"Eric wants me to spend Christmas with him."

"So you going to spend Christmas with him?"

"Who knows? Probably. I have nothing better to do..."

She gives me a hard stare. I don't like her stares. They're uncomfortable. As if she's reading your thoughts. She was always good at divination. So good it even creeped Trelawny out. And Trelawny scared the living daylights out of us.

"So you're going to Eric's?"

"I guess so."

"Can I have Remus?"

This girl is very... no comment.

"No," I told her flatly, rolling my eyes for what seems to be the hundredth time today.

"Why not?"

"Because he's not yours."

"Well, you're not making any claims to him either!"

"Fine! He's mine. And as I stated previously, he's off limits."

"You are such a party pooper, you know that?

"Aren't you engaged?"

She gives me a surprised look. "Oh yeah! I forgot..."

"Unbelieveable. You're unbelieveable, Leda Jones."

"Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt to have a small fling here or there."

"Fling away, for allI care. Just don't fling with Remus."

"Fine, fine. I'll stop bothering you about him. I promise to leave him alone."

She gets up to leave, looking not a bit wounded. I guess she was serious about the flinging. I don't blame her though, being engaged to a complete stragner and everything. It must be harsh. I wonder if he looks anything close to pretty.

"By the way," she added, sticking her head back to the entrance of my cubicle. "Kingsley asked me to give you this!"

She tosses me a piece of folded up parchment, and skips off to her own office. She has an office whislt I have a cubicle! But anyway, to the parchment...

I unfold the parchment to find a note. Yep, that's definitely Kingsley. His ugly loopy, all-too-proffessional handwriting, with is super-good-looking-proffessional signature.

_DearNymphadora,_

_Missed me? I know you did. Tell me what you two talked about. And even if you don't, I'll find out anyhow. Remus is easily persuaded._

_Merry Christmas, my little dwarf._

_- Kingsley Shacklebolt_

Little dwarf! I am NOT a dwarf! I'm not small or fat! Just because Kingsley happens to be a feaky six foot, five inched giant, doesn't make me small. Besides, five foot and six and a half inches isn't short. I'm taller than almost every female here in the entire building.

Anyway, it's time to think about Christmas plans. Like it or not, it's going to be one heck of a... different holiday this year around. I'll probably skip Eric's and just spend the time alone. I need time to think things through. I need to think about the future. I need to be contantly vigilant - even though I don't want to. For all I know, I could die tomorrow, what with Voldemort on the loose as it is. But hey - it's Christmas time. Christmas is about love. I'm sure even Voldemort can give us a break at this time of year.

What can I say? Tis the season to be jolly. Or so goes the saying.


End file.
